It's been ages since I last posted and I apologise to readers who may have given up waiting. Here's a quick preview of a story I wrote some time back. Enjoy!
July 7th Four Years Later
Jess blinked, eyes smarting in the heat of a July summer morning. The sight of the set of twins currently being fawned over by her boys and Pete's sister made her worry if the burning sensation in her eyes had causes other than the summer heat. Almost out of habit, her hands went to the empty space where her ring had been before that disastrous episode filed away in her memory under the name 'Tyler' had occurred. She swallowed the bitter load of regret and self-hate that rose in her throat every time she recalled that name. Anything that reminded her of the reckless, selfish bastard — who had persuaded and seduced her into kicking her husband out of their home and hurting him with a display of callousness she could scarcely believe was possible of herself — made her perilously panicky.
She couldn't, she wouldn't allow herself to fall apart on a day like this. As much as she longed to curl up in a foetal position and cry herself to sleep, there was that much decency left in her that she wouldn't spoil the day for Pete.
Get a hold of yourself! Don't you dare let Pete down.
Jess swallowed a bitter laugh rising from that pool of bitter irony lodged somewhere between her ribs and her throat at the thoughts that ran through her head. Pete looked fine today. He would never be some muscle-bound he-man, but there was a firmness in him that women appreciated. A strength that came from the inside, which beat all the muscled cowards who bullied and got their way through brute strength, but was nowhere to be found when trouble came calling. The same brand of coward had upended her married life almost five short years ago.
Hindsight was always 20/20 and for the thousandth time, Jess wished she had had that wisdom in her five years ago to have seen what Tyler was. In her excitement over fulfilling her sexual fantasies and assuaging that nagging doubt that ate at her 35-year-old self, she'd fallen for a shallow young man who took advantage of her lust, her money and her desperation. She'd been taken in by a human advertisement for steroid-induced physical perfection. Of course, she hadn't known about Tyler's steroid and drug habits till much later. She'd been blinded by that physical perfection and the satisfaction of an ego boost that some 22-year-old man had decided she was a worthy lover.
Geez, I can't believe I thought he was the greatest lover I ever had!
She remembered thinking that on their vacation away from home. She'd chosen to indulge herself and her lover in Florida, using money that was as much Pete's as it was her own. Jess winced as she remembered her cruelty towards Pete whom she'd thrown out of their house and from whom she’d demanded a divorce. How she'd demanded he take care of their sons without him stepping foot back in their house while she went away with her lover. She'd allowed Tyler to dictate to her how she should abuse her husband. Tyler's moods and whims had taken priority even over her love for her family. She'd allow Tyler to take over their home and family.
Lord, I even demanded Pete prepare our house for the storm that was to hit the area, but not stay in the house. No wonder he called me an evil cunt bitch!
The jolt of Pete losing his temper was quickly quelled by her desperate eagerness to live the dream. So eager was she to clutch at that dream, she couldn't believe was finally in her reach that she'd ignored the rare pricks of conscience that hit her during the vacation. She'd even ignored the truth the mirror revealed in its reflection of a sad, aging woman who had torn up her marriage and life for a mirage. She'd shut off the voice of reason. She'd made herself blind to all the signs that Tyler was a user who had no compunction about the lives he devastated. She'd ignored his endless flirtation with other women during that vacation, choosing instead to see it as affirmation of her choice. He was a trophy for her. For all her frustration over family life, she even wanted to give him children of their own. She'd reasoned with herself that a life with Tyler was something she deserved after all the frustration and disappointment she'd endured in her life. Somehow, she never saw beyond the perfect fantasy she'd constructed. Never truly looked at Tyler himself or beyond the surface perfection of the act he had put on.
Jess sighed, the cycle of blame was always circular. At the end of the day, the finger pointed right back at her. She'd been the older one, supposedly the adult one. She taught eight year olds for God's sake. Yet, 35 years of knowledge and experience had meant little. She'd been reduced to a dumb teen who wanted what she wanted, whatever the consequences. And she'd wanted that young bad boy. She recalled with a wry smile how a counsellor had suggested at some point: Tyler was not a villain, he was just a lost boy trying to be a man. She'd stared at that counsellor, unsure if she was to laugh or cry. A quick retort had risen to her mouth.
"I bet you wouldn't say that if he'd been some overweight loser! God, why do the beautiful people always get away with everything! He was a user! He used me and I let him—"
Her harsh response seemed not to have upset the counsellor. Instead, she'd sat back in her chair and smiled at Jess. Realisation came with an outsized share of humble pie and guilt.
"And if it had been someone like your husband, someone like Pete, you would have never done that? Never allowed yourself to be that weak or to be taken advantage of?"
The slight smile on the counsellor's face made Jess blush. That was the truth wasn't it? She'd gone along with Pete's suggestion, his kinky fantasy because it was a convenient way for her to act out her own frustration and desires. She'd even blamed Pete for putting her in the way of becoming a hotwife. It was his fault. She was a victim. Then she'd blamed Tyler for being the bastard he was. Up till that moment in the counsellor's office, she'd never acknowledged her own role in the disaster that wrecked her marriage and life.
The counsellor had leaned forward as she watched the emotions that chased each other across Jess' face. Guilt, shame, grief. Lightly laying her hand on Jess's arm, the counsellor sought to mitigate the emotional blow Jess had just received.
"I know it's difficult, but you have to get some clarity before you can resolve that confusion inside you. Only after that can you really move on."
The counsellor had looked so empathetic that Jess finally confided in her. Laying bare the circumstances that had led her to that point was an exercise in excruciating guilt and shame. Oddly enough, she'd not felt more than small pinpricks of guilt when she'd behaved so monstrously towards Pete. No, the scalding tide of guilt only rushed upon her when she recounted her actions and behaviour. The narrative made it impossible to hide the scale of her cruelty. Through telling, she'd shown what she'd wilfully hidden from everyone, including herself.
She'd even dealt with the guilt that had plagued her when it came to the unfortunate baby girl.
The baby girl was the only real gift Tyler had ever given her. Everything else, including the orgasmic sex, felt like a purchase she'd made, particularly after she had looked at the bank accounts. She'd stolen from money painstakingly saved, money which should have gone to her boys, and given it to her lover. Tyler had taken and taken, all the while having her grateful for the opportunity she'd been given to be with him. She'd been defensive when Pete confronted her about the money. Her foolishness then astounded her now. Even if he hadn't meant to, Tyler had been a great con artist, bartering his physical perfection for money and the opportunity to bully and vent his own frustrations on those he perceived as being weaker than himself. She'd been conned and had been grateful to the con artist. And she'd enabled him. She was a facilitator in his torment of her husband.
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Check back for the conclusion!
