New LW story Sneak Peek

The following is an excerpt from my latest story, it's no where near the final version but thought readers might enjoy a "snack"!

"If you've just joined us, this is Michael Pellegrino on WKRZ, your only choice in the wilds of no where. It looks to be another exhausting day ahead for most of ya, driving back home for Thanksgiving .

I'll bet most of ya wonder every year while ya make the trip 'why the hell do I do this? For the dry cardboard shite called turkey? For the relatives - all batshit crazy and cranky, all ready to fight?' I don't know. Pick your poison because it sure must be something crazy that makes us drive for miles and miles to eat a horrible bird with  people so awful you only manage to tolerate for a day or do a year. I speak as someone who's seen the light and has liberated himself from it all. Thanksgiving last year was the last torture session I put myself through. I knew it would be my last three months before that. How you might ask did I know three months before? Well, the answer is simple. That was the day I found out my loving wife was having an affair with her boss, her brother-in-law.

The first couple of hours, my gut hurt and ya know, for someone whose stomach is strong enough that I stick anything into my mouth, it was a sign how bad it hurt. Real bad. So bad I threw up breakfast. The breakfast I'd had to get from   because my dear wife had an early work meeting to get to. She was honest, at least, on that point. It was an early work meeting all right. With her boss. In that fancy SUV she just had to have, all paid for by me/ on my expense of course. It was real funny how I found out. Do any of ya remember that half-cocked idea about live traffic reports we did on this segment last year? Yeah well, we actually had a couple of live feed images sent to us from the cameras installed round areas where the traffic was worst. Well, that day, traffic was pretty horrendous on the exit from the freeway into Elm and Fifth. And sitting pretty and making out crazy in the car was my wife and her boss.

I was pretty sure I was mistaken or there was a problem with the camera. It all seemed like a bad joke that someone was playing. But it wasn't. No one jumped out yelling 'Surprise!' And I'd bought that expensive lingerie she was flashing that idiot for her for Valentine's six months earlier. I was so shocked I gagged in the studio and they had to get Steve to stand in for me.  I still owe him one. Thanks man!"


Patience! Story will be posted soon! 

Destroying Fantasies Part 3 Conclusion

Finally managed to locate the last part of the story. A sincere apology to all readers who waited so patiently!

Ashley took a deep breath as she stood outside Jackson’s house and prepared to take the last step that would end her marriage. So nervous that her limbs were shaking, she fought the urgent whispers of good sense that told her to run, to avoid making that same mistake that broke her relationship with Will/put that first crack in her marriage in the first place.


I need to do this. I started this, now I just need to end it. Will can finally let go after this. He will hate me so much he’ll never want to think about me again. I have to be cruel to be kind. He can get on with his life and be happy again. Even if it’s with that bitch Lisa. I owe him that much.


Then that cynical voice of judgement pipped up.


Still putting a good face on everything you do huh? Be honest, aren’t you just hankering for another taste of that bad boy?


A red flush rose up her neck and face as Ashley stood still, stunned by her first experience of true honesty. The confrontation with her true self, without excuses, without illusions that covered up the real nature of her action and deceived no one but herself


For once, she was able to really smile at herself, even if that smile was filled with pain and bitterness. No, there was no denying Jackson was still attractive and they had had some great sex years back. But after all she had learnt about him and the price she had paid and was still paying for her behaviour, she didn't want another tumble with that bad boy.


The benefit of hindsight. If only..if only I knew, I would have never taken that step. Never betrayed Will, never betrayed myself.


The regret, conspicuous in its absence from all her thoughts and memories surrounding her affair, held at bay by all the illusions and fantasies she had surrounded herself with, descended, almost crushing her frame in its intensity. The ache in the space where her heart still physically thrummed out its rhythm reminded her of the awful emptiness that filled her on the inside. Emptiness interrupted only by pain now that the illusions were gone and the scars appeared as they truly were; hideous scabs and jagged, mangled marks, self-inflicted. The thought of inflicting a lifetime of pain upon Will, scars constantly torn open with each reminder of the bitter past, horrified her. Even more than the idea of starting all over again on her own.


No, this is where I open the cage and set us both free. I caused those scars. Now I need to let us both heal.


Swallowing the bile that threatened to choke her, Ashley took a deep breath and rang the bell.


****


Will fiddled with the keys on the custom keyboard that his agent had ordered and delivered to him just days earlier. That indescribable wave of restlessness flowed over him, making it impossible to sit down and concentrate on the manuscript he was working on. After demolishing the house next door, he had felt that modicum of ease, a salve for that burn that had haunted his soul since discovering Ashley's affair.

That didn't last. That feeling of unease, as if things were about to happen, had started about two days after the demolition. And it had grown in the last day and a half. Then the PI agency reported back that Ashley had sent something off. Will tried to calm the panic that welled up at the agency's report.

It might not be the separation agreement. It could be something else.


Will recalled the unease which had kept him awake staring into the darkness of the half empty living room most of the nights since he returned from the cruise. He'd asked Emma to start packing Ashley's stuff around the house, starting from the living room. He steeled himself against the faint hope that burned inside of him.

No I've to be practical. Whatever she chooses, this life is over and done with. I'm getting rid of the past one way or the other.

The cynical realist in him snickered at the valiant efforts at denial that his emotional side made. The same emotional side of him felt his stomach plummet when the doorbell rang and he heard Emma opening the door and talking to some delivery guy. Taking a deep breath, he heard his heart thudding as the sound of footsteps approaching his office made dread bloom in his gut.

"Will, this came for you," Emma said as she left the package on his table.

Unable to force any words out of his throat, Will nodded and tried to force a smile that didn't look like a death's head grin. Emma looked uncertain but backed out of the room. She knew that look on her brother's face. It was a look he had when he really didn't welcome company or questions.

The familiarity of the handwriting gave Will pause. It was Ashley's. Despising the cowardly impulse to pretend he never received the package, he opened the package and found the papers signed as he'd instructed Ashley.

The agony of having lost to that bastard began with the burn in his gut that became an ache in his chest. He clung almost helplessly to that last sliver of hope that whispered comfortingly to his soul which had started crumbling at the sight of those papers.

She just wants to see him. Doesn't mean she's going to do anything. She knows if she fucks him again, the marriage is dead. She won't do this. She won't do this to Cary.

He took a deep breath and ignored the snide retort in his head.

She's done it before. She will do it again. Face it buster! It's over.

Will wrenched his thoughts away from the dark side.

Fuck! What was Ashley doing?

Almost as if in answer, Will heard the beep of his phone and Ashley's name flashed as an incoming text appeared.


****
30 minutes earlier


"You? What are you doing here?"

Ashley was almost amused by the shock that appeared in the eyes of her erstwhile lover and neighbour. Jackson didn't look much different from two years back when he rolled into her neighbourhood. The same dark good looks and hint of danger. Only a subtle air of tiredness that hung around the corners of his eyes and on his shoulders spoke of life after he left their neighbourhood.

"Hi Jackson," Ashley said softly. She could almost see the unease spread itself across his face.

"How did you find me? Why are you here?"

Ashley watched as Jackson's eyes shifted almost restlessly, scanning the street scene behind her. He didn't know that she knew about Madison and it looked like he wasn't about to introduce her to Madison or even let on about the new woman in his life. Then again, why would he? After all, all she was was a fling from two years back. That she was barely a dent in his life while he'd almost helped destroy hers and Will's rankled. But the metallic circle that cut into her palm as her fists clenched almost reflexively reminded her what she'd set out to do almost two days ago. Taking a deep breath and forcing a lightness she didn't feel, Ashley laughed lightly.

"You said you were going to look for Margaret. It wasn't hard to locate Margaret, only took some asking. So I'm here to take up the offer you made before you left and in that postcard."

The panicked horror that emanated from Jackson's tensed frame and facial expression would have been comical had it been a reaction to someone else. It merely caused a wave of humiliation that washed over Ashley at the latest reminder of how she'd romanticised her behaviour and the whole sordid affair in her mind. Swallowing the humiliation, Ashley forced a shaky laugh to dismiss the awkwardness that engulfed the room.

"Relax," she said quietly. "I'm not about to dump myself on you. It's bad timing and I know better than to go where I'm not welcome."

The visible easing of tension in Jackson's frame was bitterly funny for Ashley, but it was the speculative look that took the place of panic in Jackson's eyes that made her uneasy.

"So why are you here? Missed me, did ya?" The suggestive last note in Jackson's drawl and the fact that he was not bothering to hide his eyes undressing her escalated her discomfort.

How am I going to do this if I'm already panicking before I can ask him to help me do this?

The feel of the metal band around her finger was unexpectedly calming for her nerves.

How ironic, the ring felt as if it was burning me when I first got with Jackson. Now, it's a reminder that I need to do this because I love Will.

Ashley would have rolled her eyes at her contradictory self if she were alone. The hysterically bitter laughter that threatened to burst from inside her was almost too much. She glanced down at her wedding ring and watched as it twinkled.

"I did miss you sometimes, Jackson, but that's not why I'm here."

Taking another deep breath, Ashley bit the bullet.

"I need you to fuck me. Please."

The sharp burst of laughter from Jackson heaped further humiliation upon Ashley. If she could, she would have shrunk into the ground she was standing upon.

"Awww babe, you don't have to beg," Jackson leered as he stood up and walked towards her. It took almost everything Ashley had not to take off running.

"So, is he really that bad in bed? Good ole husband can't satisfy you huh? After two years, you had to come running to me for hot sex all the way down in Florida," he sniggered as his hands ran across her curves.

Ashley stood stiffly as the man, who haunted her dreams and fantasies and helped create those scars she'd relished, groped her. What had had her panting and melting with desire two years ago was making her skin crawl.

How could it be so different? He's still dangerous, attractive and sexy. So why do I want to run?

"No," Ashley tried to speak despite the strong urge to vomit that threatened to close her throat. "Will's great."

Jackson's narrowed eyes told Ashley she'd probably said the wrong thing.

"So why are you here asking me to fuck you?" Jackson asked. The frustration was apparent as he drew back slightly though his hands stayed on her breast and hip.

"You refused to leave with me because you loved him more than you loved me, right?" he muttered as a look of hurt appeared on his face.

For a second, Ashley was almost moved. The hurt little boy was back. Then she recalled the damage she'd caused the last time she felt anything for Jackson and her resolve hardened.

"I still love Will," she said with almost no tremor in her voice. "But I've hurt him-- we've hurt him so badly.... I need to help him let go of our marriage. To heal. Without me."

Her voice broke.

"Without me."

"And you want me to help you?"

The incredulity that sounded in his voice was reflected in his facial expression.

"Will...Will has never gotten over what happened. He's suffered. We've both suffered. We tried to get things back to what they were. But,"  Ashley stumbled as she tried to swallow past the lump in her throat.

"He's still hurting and... I need to help him. He needs to let go of the past and the only way is to let our marriage die."

Jackson's incredulous expression had transformed. He still disliked Will as his snorts clearly demonstrated throughout Ashley's speech about Will. Yet the lust and willingness to take advantage of the situation lurked in his eyes.

"Look, you don't need to really fuck me, just...just make it look like we're--we're fucking. I-I just need a photo to convince Will," Ashley fumbled as the craziness of her plan hit her.

There was silence as Jackson contemplated her suggestion.

"So what do I get out of it? You get to convince Will and 'save' him. What do I get? The chance to be used by you again? Scratch your itch again Ashley? While the good wife plays the martyr for her husband?"

Ashley was sure her shame and indignation made her red as a fire hydrant. She had no answer.

"One last bang?" Jackson volunteered in the silence that stretched between them. "You sure you're not over rating yourself, darling?"

Ashley stood up, the last vestiges of her dignity shredded in front of her.

"This-this was a mistake. I-I'm sorry."

She was almost at the door when Jackson wrapped his hands around her wrists and stopped her.

"Hang on, sweetheart," he chuckled huskily. "I never said I wouldn't help. But I get to fuck you one last time. Let's see if we're as good together as we were the last time?"

Jackson's mouth crushed down on Ashley's trembling lips before she could protest. She closed her eyes and the unshed tears lingering in them flowed down her cheeks. Where desire and lust had flowed in the past, there was now only a deep cold that settled in her bones. The ache of agony and despair welled up as images of Will and Cary flashed beneath her eyelids, she whimpered as the agony intensified.

Jackson barely heard her whimpering as he worked on pinching her nipples and biting the soft skin of her ears and neck. He took those faint whimpers as her arousal and grinned while redoubling his efforts. She was barely aware that Jackson was unbuttoning her blouse till she heard a ripping noise as his frustrated fingers tore at the recalcitrant front of her blouse.

"No, don't!"

"C'mon Ashley. You know you want this. You get what you want and I get our itch scratched," Jackson ground out as he ignored her flailing arms.

Ashley pushed at his shoulders but found no traction.

"No, please stop. I-I don't want this!"

She pleaded as she tried to draw the edges of her blouse round her front. But her reluctance seemed only to fire Jackson up.

"Too late, Ash. You wanted this. You came here for this!"

Jackson's hands pulled and locked down her wrists. After a brief struggle, Jackson had her wrists locked in one hand above her head and had unclasped her bra with the other.

"Damn, you're bigger than I remember," he rasped as his mouth began roving over her breasts.

"Look at those nipples, you're just begging to be fucked, just like before when you fucking begged me with those eyes to fuck you even when your husband was around."

Ashley's tears began again as memories of the past surfaced, now so different from what she'd remembered.

As he tore at the rest of her clothes, Ashley gave into despair and sobbed openly.

"Damn it! Stop that! I'm giving you what you wanted, what you still want!" Jackson bit out before crushing her lips and thrusting his tongue into her mouth.

Ashley choked back the vomit that threatened to rise up her gullet. When Jackson reared back to return his attention to her breasts, she cried and pleaded.

"P-please, I'll cooperate, please don't hurt me!"

She bit back the words "don't hurt my baby", unsure now if the man straddling her would have any compunction about hurting the baby in her.

Jackson laughed cruelly.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I won't hurt you unless you want me to. Pain is sexy sometimes," he leered as he mocked her.

Abruptly, he reared back and picked up the phone she'd laid on the coffee table.

"You wanted pictures right?" He asked even as Ashley shook her head and tried to cover herself with her hands.

"C'mon darling, smile for the camera!" He rasped as he took a photo of her breasts, wet and red from his suckling, his hand pinching one nipple like an owner caressing a prized pet.

Frustrated at Ashley's attempt to cover her face with her hand, Jackson jerked her upwards.

"You will show how much you love this, you owe me that much!"

Terror was written on her face as Jackson freed his erect cock from his pants and unceremoniously wrapped her hand around the base of it before thrusting the tip in her mouth. He grunted as he thrust in and out of Ashley's mouth and took shots. Only when Ashley gagged and involuntarily pulled back, pre-cum dribbling with her saliva from her lips did he smirk cruelly and turn the screen towards her.

"Aren't you the beautiful slutty wife?" He taunted as Ashley looked with horror at the picture he had captured. She looked like she was actively giving him a blow job as her hand, wedding ring winkling, wrapped round his cock.

"No! Please! Don't do that!" Ashley fairly screamed as she reached for her phone. "Don't hurt him! Please!"

Jackson only smirked as he kept the phone out of her reach while pressing the icon to share the photo as a text to Will, who he easily found under suggested recipients. Ashley's sobs of despair as she saw the words 'Message Sent' hardly slowed Jackson. She was barely aware that he had pushed her back on the sofa and was trying to strip her of her skirt. She was crying so hard that even when she tried focussing on the sofa and her hand that grasped it, only the glint of her ring made it past the blurred curtain of tears. The ring twinkled as it did when she'd first betrayed Will years ago. The only difference was the regret that overwhelmed her senses, the guilt and pain that completely wiped out the memory of the desire and lust that she had succumbed to in the past. Her body had gone limp, hoping the ordeal would be over the less response there was.

"What the fuck is this?"

Jackson's anger only registered faintly.

Ashley only glanced briefly down where Jackson's eyes seemed to glare in puzzled outrage.

"T-that is a female condom. I-I'm pregnant. I nee-need to protect my baby."

Jackson's glare intensified.

"Are you trying to humiliate me? You want me to fuck you while you're pregnant with your husband's child? And you want me to fuck you while you're protecting yourself? How fucked up are you!"

"Fucked up enough to have started fucking around with you two years ago!"

Ashley bit back a curse as she realised the folly of letting her anger get the better of her. Jackson's cocked brow hardly helped. For a moment, Ashley allowed herself to hope that he was going to stop.

Pissed beyond belief, Jackson found himself further irritated by the glimmer of hope that flashed in Ashley's eyes. Long gone was the cute neighbour whose vulnerability touched him and whose lust had matched his. He'd sensed the hunger and restlessness in that woman from their first meeting on her porch. She almost eyefucked him and was positively thrilled whenever he flirted with her. The fact that she was married merely increased her attraction in his eyes. This was a woman he'd thought he could wrest away from her husband. He had been so sure, after she'd succumbed to his seduction, that he would win this one. But in the end, she'd been weak and didn't want to take that chance. She'd gone back to her husband, the man she claimed to love though she'd leapt so easily into his arms and fucked him with such passion. She was a cheating slut, just like his mother. Using men when she was in heat and kicking them away whenever she had what she wanted. The frustration he felt recently at Madison's increasing distance, the sense he had that she was pulling away and returning to her husband all exploded in the instant when he heard Ashley's request.

I'm going to show these bitches they can't just use a man and kick him aside like so much trash!

The red mist descended once again, the wilful blindness that shut out Ashley's protest and reluctance.

"No, you bitch! You get what you want and I get to fuck you however I want!" Jackson spat out as he ripped out the female condom and thrust himself roughly inside Ashley. All thoughts of gentleness abandoned in his anger, he bit down on her nipple as he lay on her. His wounded pride, rebelling against the idea that he wasn't good enough for another woman, made him roughly work his fingers on her clit.

"You wanted this, remember? You were panting for it before. You dripped for me. You fucked me in your car, in my house. Right next door to your loving husband!" Jackson grunted as he felt her body lubricate itself, reducing her yelps of pain into muted sobs.

Ashley braced herself as the pain faded and all she felt was his cock pounding into her. While her traitorous body offered the intruder greater ease, there was no pleasure in the coupling that had delighted her previously. She dreaded his crude reminders of their affair and the throbbing of his release inside her merely brought relief that it was over.

Jackson lay on her, grunting as he gathered his strength before pulling out of her. He gritted his teeth at the sight of her face wet with tears and turned away. Shame threatened to creep up on him but he shoved it away like the faint threads of guilt he'd felt when he seduced her previously. She was more than willing to betray her husband and had enjoyed herself fucking him. He'd just reminded her of that fact. His eyes wandered down and a cruel smirk spread on his face as he noted his cum starting to ooze out of her red cunt lips. The sight of his cock wet with her and his cum made that cruel impulse grow.

"C'mon sweetheart, " he taunted. "Don't tell me you didn't want that! Don't tell me you don't remember how you wanted it so badly two years ago. Not when I'm dripping from you!"

His crude remarks only made the shame and guilt building inside Ashley surge unbearably. The last vestiges of her fantasies and illusions surrounding her affair, what Will hadn't already destroyed, lay shattered around her.

In that moment, the pounding on the door that had started some time earlier finally caught their attention.

"Ashley, are you in there? Damn it! Open this door!"

Ashley's panic returned as she recognised Ellen's voice. The former lovers froze as another voice was heard and the door was unlocked.

Madison's shocked and hurt expression as she took in the sight of her lover and the woman he'd obviously just fucked made Ashley wish she could simply disappear. The disappointment in Ellen's eyes was the last straw. Unable to hold back the urge any longer, Ashley completed the cycle of humiliation and vomited in the living room of her erstwhile lover's house.

"Madison! Wait! I can explain!"

Jackson yelled as he struggled to dress himself before he ran after his present lover. He barely spared his former lover a glance of disgust before he ran off.

"Ashley, what happened?"

Ellen's soft voice broke through the numbness that had taken over Ashley as she looked around the disaster of a scene. Tears poured out of the younger brunette as she came to terms with the destruction she'd wrought in an effort to end her marriage and let Will heal.

Her broken sobs and words made little sense to Ellen even as she tried to piece together just what happened between the time she left for the pharmacy when Ashley asked her to help pick up a prescription and the time she returned to an empty house and found Ashley's cryptic note. "I'm meeting Jackson. I need to make Will give up. He needs to heal."

She watched as the young wife explained hysterically, pointing to the phone and sobbing all the while.

"Oh Ashley, what have you done?"

****
10 days later


Will blinked against the light invading the darkness he preferred. He didn't have to look at himself in the mirror to know he was a mess. If his nose didn't fool him, he was in dire need of a bath. Thinking with that aching head was proving near impossible, he had no idea what day it was. He barely remembered how many days had passed since that day, the day he'd opened the text he'd received from Ashley. At first he couldn't make sense of the picture he'd received. His mind refused to process the image he'd been confronted with. He'd sat there staring at the phone like it was a coiled cobra for what had seemed like hours before a strange sound roused him out of his dazed trance. It was a guttural snarl, like that of an injured feral animal.

By the time he realised that the sound was coming from his throat, he'd smashed the device on which that image was displayed. The image mocked him as surely as that sarcastic voice in his head did.

Well, you wanted her put to the test and this is her failing the test! What did you expect from her cheating ass?

This was countered by the voice that struggled through the aching hollow in his chest to speak.

No! I never wanted this! I'd hoped all along that Ashley could overcome those fantasies and come back to me whole. The woman I'd fallen in love with and married.

His thoughts were interrupted by the incessant knocking on the door. Emma was calling out in a voice laced with panic. He opened the door with some effort.

"Will! What...what's going on?"

Emma's eyes were round with fear and dismay as she took in the damage round the room. It looked like a tornado had blown into the room, whatever was not tacked to the walls or furniture had ended up on the floor. She was far more concerned about the blank, dazed look on her brother's face. For a moment, she wondered if her brother had lost his mind. The destruction, the awful almost inhuman noise she couldn't imagine a human making made her apprehensive.
While Will would never hurt anyone under normal circumstances, these were clearly not normal circumstances. She could see the emotional distress written in every part of the frame of her brother's body.

As she debated what she could do, Will had stalked to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of brandy. Her ears had perked up when he left the room, but she relaxed as she realised he was not headed upstairs. She'd used the brief time he was gone to start tidying the room. Will had returned and started drinking directly from the bottle, ignoring her. She'd managed to reconnect the landline and gathered his paper in a pile she left on his desk. Among them were the pages of a divorce petition. Her stomach sank as she guessed the cause for Will's outburst.

"Leave that."

"It's dangerous Will. The screen is shattered. What made you destroy your phone?"

Will wondered what his sister's reaction would be if he told her the truth, that his cheating wife had sent him a picture of her lover fucking her. He swallowed a mouthful of the alcohol that was almost tasteless to him. No he couldn't, it would simply crown his humiliation.

He didn't remember much more of that day or the days that followed after Emma returned with an entire bottle of water that she left standing on his desk with instructions for him to drink between swigs of the alcohol.

She'd left after looking at him sternly and warning him that she'd call emergency services on him if he drank himself into oblivion. "You may have lost something important, Will. But don't forget, your son is upstairs and you're all that he has right now. Don't let him down."

Will dragged himself upstairs and stumbled into the bathroom. His bloodshot eyes were painful to watch in the mirror as he surveyed the damage. There was a scratch across one of his cheeks and he had to rack his brains to recall just how he'd come by it. He flinched as he recalled who.

Lisa.

Geez, he'd forgotten all about that crazy neighbour's daughter and how he confronted her after he found out the email address of the mysterious neighbour who had sent the video to Ashley belonged to Lisa. He’d warned her not to harass his wife and family. He'd told Emma to deny that blonde entry if she turned up at his doorstep. And he'd heard the protests of the blonde when she was turned away twice. But he'd found the blonde almost attacking him when he woke up from one of his drunken bouts to find his cock in her mouth and her hands pumping him. He'd been too tired to push her off before he shot in her mouth. While he knew he shouldn't be tangling with that crazy blonde, that male instinct asked what damage some indulgence in a warm willing female body could do when his wife was off fucking her lover. Still, he knew better than to tempt fate, having been lucky he'd not knocked up the young blonde when he fucked her previously.

Lisa had protested as he fished out a condom he'd stashed in his wallet a long time ago and slipped it over his cock before he allowed her to slide down over him. While she rode him, Will's mind was elsewhere. While the voluptuous blonde quivered and shook, her beautiful breasts dancing in front of his face, he observed her dispassionately as his mind tried to work out if he could stand having her replace Ashley.

God, why am I thinking of that cheating slut when I'm fucking someone else?

His hips had pumped harder as he thought of how his wife had betrayed him again. The moans coming out of the blonde's mouth were making his ego and the hollow where his heart had been before Ashley repeatedly ripped it out and trampled on it feel that little bit better.

Though his body had reacted with pure physical instinct and climaxed, he felt little more than disgust as the blonde collapsed on him after she orgasmed. He knew this was the last time he'd ever allow himself to be with the blonde. He told her as much after she'd clambered off him and redressed herself. The fury on her face and how she'd lunged at him as she screamed in rage might have proved discomforting previously but he'd gone through so many emotions those last couple of days that he merely held her off as far as he could. Obviously he'd not been quick enough to prevent that scratch to his cheek. The woman had claws for hands. He remembered how the blonde screeched as Emma came rushing in the door, no doubt alarmed by her screaming, and helped haul that blonde off him and ushered her out the door. Emma had turned her disapproving glare on him when she'd seen off the blonde. He'd shrugged and denied it when she asked or rather accused him of allowing the blonde entry when he'd said not to do so. Both their eyes lighted on the open window in Will's study. Will's eyes said 'I told you so' as his sister blushed and hurried to close the window she'd left open in an attempt to get some fresh air in to chase that smell of unwashed male and alcohol that pervaded the room.



That was a couple of days ago. Will winced as he looked at that faint outline of a handprint that marked his other cheek. That had been delivered by Emma. He was pretty sure that was before Lisa. He'd gotten drunk and was in dire need of the toilet. Stumbling out of the bathroom, he'd heard the music from the mobile he'd placed over Cary's crib when he thought he heard Ashley's voice. Enraged that his cheating wife had dared to enter his house and come near his son, Will had stomped into his son's room only to encounter a startled boy who had pressed the bear's tummy which played his favourite sound; the recording of his mom's voice saying 'Mommy loves you Cary!'

The sound of Ashley's voice and the lack of a visible target made that ache in his chest deepen intolerably. Without volition, his hands reached for the bear.

"Gimme that," he slurred as the boy went from sleepy to full alert and grabbed on to the bear with his limbs and mouth. As Will's determination to take away his favourite toy registered with the boy, he opened his mouth and shrieked his protests. The shrill cries of the baby brought Emma out of the slumber she'd fallen into. She was pulling on Will's sleeves while yelling at him to stop fighting with his son.

The irritation Emma had been keeping under control, as she watched her brother slip into a drunken pit of morose pain and anger, came to a boil. She knew that once Will decided something, even if it was self-destructive, it was near impossible to dissuade him from it. And she'd indulged his slide for that reason but now, he was about to get his son involved and it was too much.

"Stop it!" Emma yelled as she slapped him so hard he started seeing stars. "How could you fight your son over a bear?"

He'd let go of the bear in shock at his sister slapping him. Cary had regained full control of the bear but was still screaming at full volume as babies only could. It was so loud his ears rang and his head hurt.

Will shook his head and looked at the two family members who were glaring at him with emotions that were as unfamiliar as they were painful to see in their eyes. He looked down at his son, his tearful eyes and wet cheeks and felt shame. Still, he couldn't just crumble in front of them both. So he just mumbled, "Fine, just keep that stupid bear. Traitor."

Will had felt his sister's glare on his back as he made his way out of the room. He cringed as he shuffled downstairs and tried to drink away the memory of the shame and pain.

Will winced as he looked in the mirror. Cary's shrill cries were still ringing in his mind and he couldn't believe that he had actually fought his son over a toy. Splashing water over his face, he decided to look in on his son before he took a shower. He could hear Emma talking to Cary as she walked around in the room.

Cary was whimpering, his cheeks seemed a little swollen as he fussed in his aunt's arms. It was however what the boy did when he spotted Will that had the young father cringing. The boy grasped the bear and snuggled closer to his aunt as Will approached. He'd scrunched up his face as if unsure whether to start crying. The frown on Emma's face didn't help.

"What do you want?"

"What's wrong with him?"

"He's growing another tooth. He gets irritated every time. I'm gonna get him the iced toy soon for his gum."

Will knew Cary fussed every time he had a tooth growing. That didn't explain how he was slathering saliva all over his bear though. Emma saw Will observing his own son and seemed to suppress a smile. The normal Will was still largely AWOL but at least he seemed to be on his way back.

"Just tell him he can stop trying to devour that bear, I'm not taking it away."

Will approached with the intention of simply kissing his son before washing up. Emma's wrinkled nose and upright palm stopped him.

"What? I'm not touching the bear - "

"Have you smelt yourself lately? You need a bath. Go now. Before you make him puke."

Will rolled his eyes and just looked at his son before he left the room. The boy didn't look hostile but seemed determined to protect his bear with everything, including his salivary glands. The thought threatened to bring a smile to the surface but the sight of Ashley's toothbrush and makeup kits in the bathroom drove away the smile. He averted his eyes before the sight of her bathtub intensified the pain. As the water washed over him, Will closed his eyes and wished everything could be washed away as easily. He'd want to start with the remnants of the love he had for his soon-to-be ex-wife.

****

It took a bit of time but when Will finally felt like a human after cleaning himself up and shaving, he decided to start getting all the work he'd been neglecting done. He'd dressed casually. Faced with all the clothing and reminders of his wife and their lives in that bedroom, he reached for the nearest items and they turned out to be the T-shirt and jeans he'd not worn since leaving college. They'd been left in a corner of his part of the closet, the furthest corner from Ashley's stuff.

He'd called out to Emma after he was dressed and stood in the doorway. He tried to adopt as detached a manner as possible. "Emma, please help to pack all of - " Will started. He stumbled over the words that came to mind.

What was she? My wife? No. I don't have a serial cheater wife. My ex-wife, well probably.

"Of Ashley's stuff and get them sent to her new address."

Emma looked like she wanted to ask further but kept quiet knowing she'd get nothing out of her brother if he chose to keep it from her.


****


Will opened his mailbox and was surprised at the number of emails awaiting him. There were several from his agent checking on progress of the sequel, something which made him grimace since he had put off work for so long. Then there were several mentioning some tweet and asking if it was a publicity stunt or if his account had been hacked. There was even a mention of some disturbance linked to one of his tweets. For the life of Will, he couldn’t figure out what his agent was talking about. He hadn’t posted any tweet in ages and certainly none that would cause any disturbance. He frowned, racking his brains for clues but beyond a strange fragment of a dream that he had the night of Ashley’s betrayal where he pondered uploading Jackson’s photo and outing him as a no good cheater, he found nothing. Any thought of that adulterous pair still hurt like hell and he shut down all thoughts heading that direction.


There were several emails from the PI agency but with things having gone the way they did, he was fairly sure they were final reports and questions regarding the ending of the contract for services or the final bill. The ones that made him grit his teeth were several from Ellen whose subject lines all read ‘urgent’ and ‘need to talk’ and a lone email from Ashley. Closing his eyes at the burn that began at the very sight of his ex-wife’s name, Will’s fingers almost automatically selected the offending email to be trashed. He hesitated and finally put the email into a To Be Read folder.


The morning seemed to progress quite nicely despite the turmoil he’d undergone and the eight days he’d lost. Just before lunch, Emma brought in a package that had arrived earlier along with the mail. It was his phone and after he inserted his SIM card, the notifications for voicemail and texts went crazy. He was still staring at those notifications when Emma yelled for him to get the door. Tossing aside the rest of the mail, including those from the PI agency, Will walked hurriedly to the door. Opening it, he stared expressionless at the woman who stood outside the door.


“What are you doing here?”




Of all the replies to that question, the last thing Will expected was a slap from Ellen that made his eyes see the galaxy for a moment.


“What the...hey, what was that for?” Will asked, holding his cheek, too stunned to be irate. Or to notice that the older woman was still glaring at him.          




Will regretted asking the question. Ellen had gone red in the face and was yelling at him about stupid men who did things before thinking and put people in danger. Will could barely understand what Ellen was saying but the pure male instinct for survival made him close his mouth endure till she ran the round of her tirade or had to take a breath.


“Would you mind telling me just what I was supposed to have done?”


For the first time since she stepped into the house, Ellen paused to observe Will.


“You mean you have no idea what you did last week?” Ellen asked with a cocked brow of scepticism.


“Apart from drinking myself stupid, no,” Will snapped back.


Ellen closed her eyes and muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like “Lord, spare me stupid men.”


“You tweeted that your wife was fucking her adulterous lover down in Florida and gave his full address plus a photo of him. You used the account associated with your book tweets and within an hour, it had been retweeted numerous times with the hashtag #nogoodJaks.”


Will closed his eyes. Well, he’d thought about exposing Jackass but he never thought he had translated thought into action. He opened his eyes to see Ellen watching him with a scowl on her face.


What was with her?


“Well, he got to fuck my wife again. So there’s a fair trade for ya,” Will ground out as the pain flared anew at the thought of Ashley’s betrayal. “Sorry, ex-wife. Still gotta track the terminology.”


Will didn't like the narrowed eyes and look of disgust on Ellen’s face. That and the fact that her fingers were flexing again. “Look, however bad it was for me to expose Jackass, it can't be worse than what he and that cheating slut did! So why are you all upset with me?”


Will instinctively moved back as Ellen sprang up from her seat and loomed over him.


“The good Lord save me from crazy young couples! Do you have any idea what happened? A little life was lost, at least seven adults were in hospital and one has gone missing. It all started with your inability to let go of the past and all the pain, became some hare-brained idea on Ashley’s part to save you from your obsession and help you heal. And ended with guns shooting and people getting hurt, it took only one tweet!”


“What!” Will yelled. “Who died? What are you talking about? Why didn't the PI agency tell me this? I’m gonna kick their ass!”


“Sit your ass down,” Ellen sighed. All the anger and frustration that fuelled her journey across the country dying down as she took in the fact that the young man in front of her had no idea what had taken place in the last 10 days down in Florida.


In as calm a voice as she could muster, Ellen recounted the events that unfolded once she had gotten Ashley out of Jackson’s house that day. Ellen had been alarmed when she returned to an empty apartment and found the cryptic note from Ashley. Ellen thought back to Ashley’s request for the courier to pick up some papers a day earlier and the bad feeling she had in her bones intensified. By the time she was banging on Jackson’s door and panicking over the crying she heard from the outside, she was sure things had gone terribly wrong.


While she was threatening to kick down the door, Madison had reappeared, having forgotten her grocery list. “The sight of that poor girl, knocked up, clearly unhappy and all startled at the drama that was happening was terrible. It just got worse when she opened the door and we saw Jackson getting off Ashley. Whatever had happened between them was clearly without mutual consent. Ashley was crying and her clothes were torn, Jackson looked like he’d just woken up from something and Madison was so shocked she almost collapsed. But before anyone could really explain what was going on, Madison had taken off and Jackson was running after her.”


Will leapt to his feet at the description of Ashley’s state, his face mirrored his feelings; confusion, rage and anguish. He opened his mouth to ask but kept silent when he saw the quelling expression on Ellen’s face that said she would brook no interruption.


“Ashley cried herself hoarse all the way to the hospital. We decided it was better to have her checked out by the doctor because of her condition. The doctor concluded that there was no serious physical damage though they had suggested a rape kit examination. Ashley went into hysterics and refused. She was afraid of the questions and kept saying she’d asked him to do this.”


Ellen’s surreptitious sideway glance confirmed her suspicion of Will’s agitation. She wondered for a second if she should continue and decided that it was pointless delaying the inevitable.


“She’d regretted it and wanted to stop but Jackson refused and he ripped out the female condom she’d put on before forcing himself on her. She was afraid he might have given her something that would affect the little one. The shock and trauma had caused her to bleed and her stress levels were so high that the doctor had to give her a sedative. She passed out for a number of hours and the doctors were alarmed, it seemed she was refusing to wake up. When she did wake up, it was the next day and she seemed to not remember what had happened. She didn’t understand why she was in hospital and she kept asking for you. The hospital staff kept her for further observation and I had to lie to her that you were away for a work trip and would be returning soon. According to the counsellor they had look in on her, the whole thing had been so traumatic that she was blocking out the entire incident in her mind. She didn’t even remember your test. They finally had to release her the day after because she refused to stay in the hospital, she wanted to see you and Cary.”


Ellen took a deep breath as she looked Will straight in the eye. The confusion and anger in him was palpable, both the tic in his jaw and his clenched fists screamed distress.


“Things went fairly smoothly till we pulled into the street and we noticed a couple of bikes cruising the area. Ashley stared at the bikes and the street and she started to shake. I got her into the building as fast as I could. She had started to cry on the way up before we reached the apartment and Margaret screamed at us about you not keeping your word as she rushed down. Margaret had quietened down when she got a good look at Ashley. Then things started getting noisy across the street. First, there was a young man standing on Jackson’s porch talking to Madison, an older lady was with him. We only found out later that they were Madison’s husband and mother. We were watching the small group shouting and crying when this group of bikers started yelling for Jackson to come out. Jackson came out and one of the bikers shot at him. The coward pulled Madison in front of him and the bullet grazed her shoulder before lodging itself in his arm. Then things went to hell, Madison’s husband placed himself in front of her and took a bullet to the side and she started screaming. Jackson pulled his gun and started shooting and Margaret started running. Then the police arrived along with the emergency services.”


Will gaped at Ellen, clearly unprepared for the apparent trail of destruction his one tweet had wrought.


“I’d gotten Ashley up to the apartment before going over to find out what had happened. Jackson was injured but not seriously. The FBI turned up and took him away. Margaret was injured when she stood over her son and refused to let another biker shoot at him. She was in hospital but got discharged two days ago. She’s still waiting for news of Jackson since he only had a couple of minutes alone with her before he was taken away. Some bikers were taken into custody, some ended up in hospital. Madison ended up miscarrying because of the stress and shock. Her husband was laid up in the hospital and she only visited him when he was knocked out by the medication. She felt too ashamed to see him when he was conscious. She was discharged a few days ago and disappeared. No one knows where she’s gone. Her husband wanted to search for her but had to get back to his kid and job. And that’s what happened.”


The silence that followed was a heavy one, broken only by the question Ellen had been waiting for. She wondered how long it would take for Will to latch onto the clues she’d scattered in her narrative.


“And Ashley? Is she still in Florida?”


“No, she left. She left a letter for you.”



Will swallowed hard before reaching for the letter in Ellen's hands. The familiar sight of Ashley's handwriting caused an ache where he thought he had lost all sensation.

Will

I'm not sure what to say at a time like this. Is there protocol when writing a letter to an ex-spouse? I'm not aware of one but that could just be me.

Perhaps this is for the best. Our marriage was dead, long before this test. I struck the fatal blow the minute I strayed. I'm not sure how many times I can apologise for it but it'll never be enough, I suspect. For everything you've put into your revenge, I'm not sure you're getting enough in return. I guess it all comes down to this: I'm sorry. I truly am. I cannot tell you how sorry I am to have taken our love and turned it into a wreck. More than that, I'm sorry I turned a loving, kind husband into a stranger wracked by pain and hatred.

That is why our marriage is dead. Because you're not the man I fell in love with and married. That Will would never have been able to think of hurting me the way you have. Then again I'm not the Ashley you loved and married. Somewhere along the way, I was lost. Lost in the world and life we had to lead, lost in my desperation to escape, lost in a fantasy I constructed around a stranger who rolled into town. I thought I'd found the answer, the escape I wanted. In my blind and selfish fantasy, I lost sight of you. I blamed you for never being there. To me, you were part of the cage, the system that was just imprisoning me, suffocating me. It's unfair to you, I see that now but I couldn't see it then. It was easier to resent and blame you because if I blamed you, I could dodge the guilt, the shame and the truth. I was blind because I didn't want to look at myself in the harsh light. So I lost myself in my illusions, thinking somehow that I would never have to see beyond them. How stupid that all seems now.

You found out and everything came crashing down around me. I knew I couldn't really live with him, it was fun as a fantasy but it would never work I'm real life. I told myself I deserved indulging my fantasies a little because I'd stopped trying to live them after we started getting serious. But that was because at the end of the day, I could come back to you. You would always be there, I told myself. I didn't think it would hurt you if I just had a walk on the wild side, after all, you would always have me after everything was over. I never figured I'd lose you. When momma asked me what I'd do if you decided you wanted a divorce, I panicked. Something I'd never imagined would be possible was now a very real possibility. I knew I was still lost in the fantasy but I couldn't lose you. So I tried. I tried to end it all. I swear I never hooked up with him again after that fight. But things didn't end in my head. I was still tempted and after that damn threesome thing with that blonde, I knew it was make or break. I buried all the fantasies and illusions in my head. As long as I was faithful in real life, it didn't matter if I occasionally indulged in those memories and fantasies in my head right? What you didn't know can't hurt you. But of course, you knew. And it hurt you beyond what I could imagine.

Only when I found out about you and Lisa and how you'd gone around after you discovered my affair did I know how bad it hurt. I wanted to hurt you so much, I wanted to make you suffer but after all I'd done, I knew I had no grounds. They say payback's a bitch but I was the selfish bitch who was being paid back.

So here we are now. Two broken people. I lost myself and broke you. You've broken me. Let it end here. Please let this all end with this dead marriage. Don't break the best thing we have created in all this time. Don't let this affect Cary. We both need to move on, if not for anyone else, then for Cary. I've killed our marriage so we can both live and heal. Dragging this farce out any longer would mean dragging us both over broken glass ad infinitum.

I don't hate you. I can't love you because I don't know the Will you've become. We need to find ourselves. Maybe after we've all had time to heal, we can face each other again. We will never be complete strangers because there's Cary but I hope we can be friends at some point.

Ashley

PS Please don't look for me. I don't want to keep running. I need to be by myself.

Will could hardly raise his eyes to meet Ellen's after he read the last line of the letter his ex-wife had written to him.

What can I possibly say? That she's right? I'm a monster? How did things get this way?

Ellen cleared her throat, seemingly coming to a decision after observing Will's quiet demeanour. She realised he hadn't caught the clues nor had he had time to think.

"Will, there's something you need to know. Ashley didn't mention it in her letter and she didn't want you to know but I think you should know."

Will nodded, his eyes showing mild curiosity.

"Ashley is pregnant. She was pregnant when she came to Florida. She just didn't know for sure until she started your 'test'."

Will leapt to his feet, sitting having become impossible.

"What?" He almost screamed.

Restraining the urge to hit something, he paced while mumbling curses.

"You mean to tell me she went ahead and had that-that fucked up meeting with Jackass when she was carrying my child? And you let her?"

Ellen winced and took a deep breath before retorting.

"Firstly, Ashley didn't let on about her plans. Secondly, would it have made a difference Will? You had this crazy plan for the longest time. From what you said, it was only delayed by Cary's birth. You never gave up, it was always there. Could you have let it go? Or would this child mean just another postponement?"


Will looked like he wanted to say something but there was only silence as he struggled to make sense of what he’d just learnt.




“I know it’s messed up but Ashley thought that it would end your obsession. She thought she could just send a fake picture of her with Jackson and that it would make you hate her. She would rather have you hate her and end this than to have you continue hurting. She knew you couldn’t get over it and would probably never get over it. She never counted on Jackson taking things that far and endangering her child.”


“No, I think whatever illusions she might have had about him or their affair were shattered and then some in all the time she spent in Florida,” Ellen said dryly. “You should be happy Will, your plan succeeded.”

Will winced openly at the caustic note in Ellen’s voice. He hadn’t wanted this. Yes, he wanted to break Ashley’s fantasies but he hadn’t really wanted her badly hurt. He wanted her to feel his pain, to see the truth of what she’d done but things had gotten out of control and now she was out there alone, pregnant and broken.

Will looked away, unwilling to admit that Ellen was probably right. The idea and rage had taken root and had never gone away till he put his plan into action. He even remembered the odd sense of relief when he opened the package and saw that Ashley had returned those papers signed as expected.

Papers. Where was that damn divorce agreement?

For the first time since Ellen stepped through that door, Will felt a tiny spark of hope. He hadn’t filed his copies. Maybe Ashley hadn't filed her copy of the papers. Maybe he could get his wife and unborn child back.

Ellen read the hope in Will's eyes and shook her head. She hated being the bearer of bad news.

"Ashley sent a copy of the divorce agreement to your lawyers before she left Florida. I'm surprised your lawyers haven't contacted you."

Will felt his heart sink. Ellen's comforting pat on his shoulder didn't help much.

"Look, I know you want another shot at this but maybe Ashley is right. You both need to heal before this affects the kids. Don't let this toxic mess become a burden for your children."

Will could only nod though every fibre of his body rebelled at the thought of leaving his unborn child and the woman he had loved once in the world out there.

Ashley, where are you?

****


30 weeks later

Where are you, Ashley?

Sighing in exasperation, Will opened his mailbox, torn between the faint hope of finally getting news of the whereabouts of his errant ex-wife and resignation that she'd gone into hiding after giving the PI agents the slip three months ago. It was a close call. They had tracked her to the suburbs near an old haunt of theirs, but she had somehow noticed someone following her and was spooked. She had given up the rental and driven away in the second-hand car she'd bought after leaving Florida. She'd made her feelings clear, leaving voicemail on their landline number that made clear she was upset by Will's attempts to find her despite her express wish to be left alone. She even stopped communicating with Ellen and Catherine, suspecting both friends were probably acting as intermediaries for Will.

Will went into full-blown panic mode when the PI agents reported that the nurse at the clinic Ashley used was finally persuaded to reveal the stress Ashley seemed to be suffering was resulting in cramps and episodes of bleeding. Only after much persuasion by both Emma and Ellen did Will calm down sufficiently. The scare he had convinced him to finally end his contract with the PI agency. The boxes of evidence and paperwork he'd received from the agency was consigned to the huge bonfire he built in the backyard, while all the emails in the To Be Read folder were deleted.

No one apart from Mrs Thompson had come round to investigate after spotting the smoke. She'd merely made a little polite conversation and left after reassuring herself that Will wasn't planning another dramatic move. The first snow had started to fall and despite all the bad memories the neighbourhood and the season had for him, Will found for the first time in years that he was able to breathe without feeling the pain and rage that ate at his insides.

As the past burned and the flames died down, Will's eyes scanned his immediate environment. The irony of the empty plot of land next to his house and the empty house across the street didn't escape him. After the demolition, Will found he had no plans to build anything on the empty plot of land. As for Lisa, well, that was a real cock-up.

Lisa had made two more attempts to get back with him after finding out Ashley had filed for a divorce. The blonde had gone so far as to sneak into his house and surprise him in his home office and bed when she returned from college on the weekends. Will had lost his patience the second time and called the police who removed the blonde after ensuring she was decently covered in a blanket. After that, Will obtained a restraining order but it proved unnecessary since Lisa's parents were so angry and embarrassed they sold the house and move three states away.

For Will, the toughest period was right after the divorce was finalised. Neither party appeared in court and the lawyers had handled the paperwork. Ashley hadn't asked for a thing apart from the request for shared custody though Cary was to stay with Will as long as he was a minor.  Emma had to return to her job and apartment though she dropped in as often as she could over weekends and on the holidays. Mrs Smith had kindly taken on caring for Cary on a more permanent basis. She had not expressed it but it was clear to Will she disapproved of his behaviour which she'd quite rightly assumed led to the departure of his wife. Yet, Will's anxiety and efforts to find his wife while being the best parent possible to Cary had ensured her frosty manner had thawed somewhat.

Cary had proved harder to placate. For weeks, he refused to let go of the toy bear Ashley had given him before she left for their holiday. And he had a death grip on the bear whenever Will was around. The boy almost broke the chip mechanism playing the recording in the immediate weeks after Will tried to take the bear from him. It got better after a while when Cary seemed to understand that mommy was away on a long trip and that daddy wasn't going to take away his favourite toy. Only two occasions proved difficult; Christmas and Cary's first birthday. It was around Christmas that Cary started to utter what sounded like his first words. Then on Christmas morning, after getting really excited about the new toys he'd received, Cary had turned to the bear and called it 'Mama Mama'. Will was stunned before feeling the shame of having driven away his son's mother. Ironically, it'd been his mother-in-law who had saved the day. She'd flown back to spend Christmas with Will and Cary though Ashley and Will were now divorced. She didn't approve of what had happened and was upset Ashley had decided to disappear. She hadn't known all that had transpired but knew probing for details wouldn't help matters. Ashley occasionally called but made no references to Will, all her attention was on Cary and how the boy was getting along. The only mention made of her pregnancy was merely to reassure her mother that everything was going as well as it could.

Catherine had made no effort to contact Will after she learnt of the divorce. It was only a month after the divorce was finalised that he'd run into Catherine and her husband at a local deli. Catherine was so cold she barely acknowledged Will. Had it not been for Cary's presence, Will was sure Catherine would have swept past without so much as a nod. She'd only defrosted after seeing how much Cary was missing his mother and the dark rings round Will's eyes. She had provided the first clue to Ashley's whereabouts since she'd packed Ashley's table after she'd resigned and sent to contents to an address Ashley had given her. Catherine had in fact helped Ashley find work she could do from home. It explained how Ashley had managed to live without touching the money he'd deposited in her account after she'd cleared it out before leaving Florida.

After the PI agency had screwed up the lead based on the clue Catherine had given in the address, Ashley had stopped communicating with her friends and rarely contacted her mother. Will was at the end of his tether when an idea occurred to him.

Ashley had stopped actively using the email account she'd used for her audio journal after suspecting that Will had spied on her via her journals. It was the only possible explanation for the detailed knowledge he had of her emotional turmoil and fantasies he'd written so vividly about in his book. She had set up a new email account but hadn't deleted her old account. More importantly, she regularly checked her account for notification on the new video links for the camera feed in Cary's room. It was, after all, the only authorised account that could access the video feed apart from Will's own account. The Ante team who had helped Will with his early surveillance efforts had made sure the security for the video feed was as tight as possible. After all, Will was a key early investor. Will reckoned the good deed he'd done teaching those extra classes was paying off in spades since the start-up was proving a success and was growing steadily. Despite the various rounds of fundraising they had taken on, the nerds and Will had managed to avoid diluting their shareholdings which were key for maintaining control over the direction and development of the company. And of course doing whatever they pleased using the apps they had created.

The nerds had grinned when Will asked if they could trace the location of anyone who accessed the video feed.

"Teach! You're catching on fast!"

After some ribbing about how the students were teaching old teachers new tricks, the nerds explained how Will could start a tracking process by monitoring the access patterns. They had warned that tracking would be made more difficult if the target used a VPN when accessing the video feed. However, they'd kept at it, sensing Will's anxiety and frustration. They were promising results these couple of days and Will kept checking his email, almost growling in frustration every time he saw an unrelated email.


His agent had been keeping him informed about the results of the poll they ran with the three versions of the epilogue he'd written for the sequel. Readers' reactions to Bill's controversial plans ran the spectrum from supporters who understood his pain and twisted scheme to critics who turned against both Bill and the author for perceived misogynistic tendencies. While he had written the conclusion, he'd revealed that the true ending was in this epilogue and there were cries of frustration from readers who remembered the author promised a complete two novel story. Seeking to soothe readers and increase anticipation for the epilogue, Will had written outlines for the different versions of the epilogue and posted them for the readers to vote on. The version where Ashley ended up with Jaks attracted the lowest vote, largely because it was thought the most unrealistic. The voting on the other two was almost evenly split, some readers loved the reconciliation of one version where Bill finally found Ashley and tore up the divorce decree in front of her before taking his wife and youngest child home. Others preferred the tragic ending where Ashley died in childbirth but left her youngest in Will's care. It was heart breaking but answered the desire for melodrama some readers had.


The controversy stirred by the sequel had been good or sales even if the vitriol online was painful at times. It had, however, diverted attention from the controversy that flared after Will's unfortunate tweet on Jackson. While his agent had wisely deleted the Twitter account, the damage had been done and there were unexpected twists months after the account was disabled. Madison had been mistaken for the real life counterpart of the cheating wife and one intrepid reader even managed to track her down to the women's shelter she'd been helping out at. Though things had settled down after Will categorically denied Madison was the real life counterpart of the female protagonist on social media posts, he felt guilty enough to try to help Madison reconcile with her family and estranged husband. The last Will had heard of the young couple from Ellen suggested Madison was working with counsellors and had agreed to meet with her husband and child at least once a month. While he wasn't as eager to hear about Jackass, Ellen informed him that Jackson was serving time in prison for his role in the shootout but that the FBI had ensured he was in solitary confinement for the entire duration for his own protection. Margaret was his only visitor and seemed closer than ever to establishing some relationship with her son. Will didn't feel any guilt about Jackson and steadfastly refused all requests to meet the man who had wrecked his marriage. Instead, he donated part of the royalty payments from the sequel to not-for-profit organisations that worked with vulnerable women and provided marriage counselling.


Throughout the period, he wondered about his ex-wife and unborn child. There was still the occasional twinge every time he was reminded of Ashley's betrayal but more and more he found the rage and pain had faded. Concern and affection for the woman he once loved and the child he'd not known he had replaced the acid of that pain and rage that had eaten at him.


Will was brought out of his reflections by the buzz from his phone. He recognised the number as that of one of the Ante team.


'Teach! Here are the coordinates for the location of the login for the video feed..."


Minutes later, Will was running out of the house he had planned on selling months earlier. Mrs Smith was holding a clearly excited Cary who waved happily and told his favourite bear that Mummy was coming back. Will glanced in the rear view mirror and saw the row of houses on the street he lived receding in the distance as he drove towards the location the Ante team had given him. He forced his eyes from the receding images of the neighbourhood and fixed them on the horizon. Yes, he was getting his family whole again.


****


Ashley sucked in a deep breath as she felt her daughter kick her again. She wasn't sure if the kick was because her daughter resented her reaction to the latest piece of news. She'd kept an eye on news related to Will's work and had been mildly amused by the voting on the epilogue. Ashley hadn't been able to stop from snorting at the epilogue that had her character dying like some tragic heroine who redeemed herself by leaving the earth after leaving her youngest to her beloved husband. Knowing Will's penchant for the emotional, she knew he was milking readers' hearts and tear ducts. The faint question of whether Will really wanted her dead did cross her mind but she dismissed it quickly as she recalled Will's efforts to locate her. She'd just been one step ahead of the PI agency in her last temporary residence. Spooked, she had left town and had even cut off communication with Ellen and Catherine.


She had been more cautious than ever when logging into Cary's video feed. She had stayed away as long as she could but couldn't resist logging every couple of days or so to check on her darling. It hurt that he was growing so fast and she hadn't been able to hug him in so many months. She had been careful not to let herself feel depressed or anxious, knowing the life inside her needed to be protected.


So she kept her spirits up and even took on some writing while reading anything she could get on Will. No one else seemed to know the true identity of the mysterious author and there was as much speculation about his identity as there was about the eventual epilogue. What really tickled her this morning was however none of the usual. Will's agent had released a statement that was his apology to his real wife for his part in wrecking their marriage and suggested that she meet up with him to berate him for his bad behaviour. He even offered to allow her to pick the actress who was to play her and said he wouldn't mind if the actor they got to play him was shorter than the actress playing her. While she knew part of the statement stunt was for publicity purposes, she sensed the sincerity in his apology and knew all the nonsense about the actress choice was the only way he could conceal his anxiety over not being able to find her. She had laughed at the idea of some Hollywood type playing her. How could anyone that glamorous understand the insecurities that drove her act of betrayal.


Ever since she faced the truth of her past, Ashley had been able to let it go. While she didn't like thinking about Jackson or their last encounter, she no longer had to resort to fantasies to make her misdeeds less ugly or more palatable. She no longer revelled in her scars. She regretted the behaviour that caused them in the first place. Yet once she faced up to the reality of the past, she was able to consign it to oblivion and it rarely ruffled the calm state of mind she was accustomed to. The silence of the place she'd found on the outskirts of the college town she and Will had loved exploring in the early days of their relationship helped build that calm. For the first time in her life, the silence of being alone didn't unnerve her.


"I don't know where your dad gets all this bullshit from," she chuckled. "Maybe he's always liked drama, never saw that side of him though."


"Maybe he was inspired by her mother who liked excitement and drama so much she started a hide-and-seek."


Ashley froze as she heard that familiar voice behind her. She turned round, hoping the happy leap of her heart and the excitement she felt coursing through her veins were not making themselves visible in the blush she felt sure was climbing up her cheeks. Looking at the gorgeous face of her ex-husband, she noted how the dark circles round his beautiful eyes made him look all the more intense and attractive despite the fact that he looked thinner and visibly tired. It wasn't fair, he still looked good while she waddled like a beached whale imitating a duck.


"What are you doing here, Will?" Ashley asked abruptly, hoping the gruff tone of her voice disguised the tremors that ran through her frame at the sound of his voice and the sight of his face.


"Tracking an errant ex-wife who's run off with my unborn child," Will said quietly. The flash of emotion in his eyes belied the calm attitude he projected. "Let's talk." He clearly was prepared to stay in the trenches and trash things out for as long as it took for him to get what he wanted.


Ashley sighed and was resigned to an afternoon of long discussion when pain grabbed her insides and a wet sensation ran down her legs. Ashley looked and saw a small puddle spreading on her porch. What alarmed her was the blood that appeared mixed in with the liquid in the puddle. She weaved and Will was at her side immediately.


All she could make out as her world tilted and seized in waves of pain that rippled through her was Will's frantic shouts as he carried her to the car he'd parked near the front of the house.


"Stay with me Ashley! I'm not losing you. Not now!"


Between the groans of pain torn from her throat, Ashley panted out, "I -I'm so sorry Will. Ahh-hh! Save-save our daughter!"


Then there was cold darkness, a darkness that she sank into with alarming speed.


It felt like a dream, she was swimming up, out of the dark waters that seemed to suck her under. There was that voice again, calling her name. She was so tired and free of pain. She struggled to take another breath and open those heavy lids. That voice was so insistent. Suddenly, she was back on her honeymoon, Will was there holding her hand and they were running. Then something caught her eye and she let go of Will's hand, stumbling. She screamed his name but he didn't answer her, he'd run away. He was angry and yelling at her. She pleaded but he just got further away. She felt fear as he slipped further away. Ashley grasped Will's finger and held on as an explosion of light made her jerk.


"Noo! Will!"


"I'm here, I'm here."


The light hurt her eyes and she had to blink several times before Will's familiar face came into focus. He looked pretty awful with the unshaven jaw and red-rimmed eyes. Still, Ashley wanted nothing more than to stare at the man at her bedside. She looked at his fingers interlaced with hers and tried to swallow past that lump in her raw throat. She waited patiently as they removed the feeding tube and gave her a check-up before allowing Will back. There was so much she wanted to say to him yet no words came as she stared at him and the bundle in his arms.


Will lay his free hand on her lips after carefully placing the precious infant in her arms. Ashley felt her heart sink as she heard him say distinctly, "There's no going back for us." Through the blur of tears, she saw him smile and wondered at his casual cruelty as he stretched out his hand to her.


"If we want this to work, we have to start over."


Ashley's eyes widened and she felt tears slide down her cheeks. The last traces of scars faded into the oblivion of the past as twin phoenixes rose anew. Starting over never sounded so good. The attending nurse looked on with no little curiosity as the patient who had just woken up after three days in a coma laughed hoarsely and shook the hand of the man everyone had thought was her husband.


"Let me introduce myself, I'm Will, a divorced father of two. You've just met my youngest, her name is Hope. And who might you be, pretty lady?"




"I'm Ashley. Divorced mother of two, the beautiful girl here is my daughter. I've heard you are familiar with her smart and handsome brother Cary..."




The End


If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended, 
That you have but slumber'd here
-Puck, A Midsummer Night's Dream


Thank you for reading this story. If you’ve made it past all three parts, triple the thanks! Do leave your comments and feedback either as a comment below. While feedback is welcome, please note I do not respond to anonymous comments. Keep reading!

Destroying Fantasies 3 Part 2

Apologies for the delays in posting this. Hope readers aren't too miffed. Enjoy reading! 


Ashley's hands reached out to Will as her eyes reluctantly opened. She knew it was the last day of their cruise but Will had promised that the excitement hadn't ended and there was one last surprise. He hadn't revealed his plans and she didn't want to insist. The holiday had been a dream come true. The visit with her mom was a little awkward but the cruise was everything she thought it would be. Not that they had seen much of the ship since they were often holed up in the suite and fucking like rabbits. The time away from everything seemed to have sparked the passion that they had started the marriage with. The week they had back in their college town had been most magical. A smile curved her lips as she felt the tenderness of her breasts, she'd her suspicions but didn't want to raise expectations unnecessarily. Even if she wasn't already pregnant, she would soon be since they were going at it like teenagers and she'd stopped taking the pill soon after the nanny incident. Any recollection of that still made her grit her teeth. That memory was raw and every time she thought she'd started forgetting, something would trigger it and the wounds started bleeding again. A word, a thought, the sight of a blonde. There was no telling when she'd be reminded. That was the reason why she went along with Will's pace, even when he became increasingly rough in California and on the cruise. There was something slightly odd in the way Will behaved at times. It almost seemed as if he had detached himself, even as they made love. She had caught him looking at her sometimes like he expected her to say something to him. These little things crowded on the fringes of her mind but she refused to allow them to ruin her mood.


Her hands touched cool sheets and a small frown crossed her face. Perhaps he was just checking in on his writing assignments. That was usually the time she used to check her email and to log in her journal entries. When he was done, they would both log in to Cary's webcam to check in on the boy.

Ashley stretched reluctantly and got up. It was time to start the next part of her holiday.

****


Ashley was mildly surprised that Will was fully dressed and sitting at the dining table of their suite when she padded out in search of him.


"Darling, why are you sitting here?" Ashley whispered as she threw her arms around his neck and kissed his ear.


"Ashley, you should sit. We need to talk."


The quiet, unemotional tone of his voice sent the first flares of unease through Ashley's body. She took the seat next to Will, her eyes scanning his impassive face anxiously.


"Ashley, here's your ticket to the next part of the holiday."

"Where's yours? Aren't we going together? Oh god, something's happened back home? Is-is it Cary?"


He took pity on her, seeing her pale at the thought of something having happened to her son.


"No, nothing's wrong with Cary. He's fine. I just checked with Emma."

He watched as Ashley took a breath of relief before her brow furrowed with confusion.


"So why aren't you coming along?"


"Because this is your once-in-a-lifetime chance to find out what it's like to live another life."


He watched as shock followed realisation and she looked at the ticket to Florida like a coiled snake.

"Why?"

A whisper that sounded like a scream.

"Because it never really went away. Whatever it was you had with that neighbour never really went away."
Will held his hand up as Ashley tried to protest.

"Yes, you may not have continued your physical relationship and he may have moved. But he's been there. In your mind, your memories and your fantasies. And you have no intention of letting them go."

Will bit back a smile as Ashley's eyes widened with dismay and fear.

"But I've tried. I swear he's no longer in my heart or mind."

Ashley knew the moment the words came out that she'd made a mistake. Will's face hardened and her heart plummeted.

"So what part of you is left untouched by that man? Did he displace me at some point?"

"No!" Ashley almost shouted in desperation. "I-I was just confused and I...I thought I loved him. But when there came that decision to leave or stay, I stayed because I loved you more. Surely that counts for something!"

"Just not enough to stop you from fucking him and betraying me!"

Will hadn't raise his voice but Ashley recoiled as if the accusation had the volume of a rock concert. There was silence as each observed the other, Will with increasing cold calm and Ashley with trepidation.

"Here's the deal Ashley. You made the decision to forget and forsake your vows the first chance you had when I was away on work. At least own up to that."

Ashley's furious shaking of her head and even the tears brimming in her eyes didn't shake his resolve.

"You continued killing our marriage by running around behind my back. And then watched as your fuckbuddy publicly humiliated me when I confronted you. Your best friend and Mrs Thompson had to be the ones to inform me, the dumb cuckold, that my wife was busy banging the neighbour when I was all worried about your health. And what did he say when I asked him if he was in the habit of fucking other people's wives? That he did when he was asked to. You made the decision to shred our marriage and relationship."

Will found himself getting louder as Ashley started sobbing. He was determined to be heard.

"And after you broke it off and said your goodbyes, did he really leave? No. He was there. A contaminant that was eating away at us but you kept him there. And then you had help from him keeping those wonderful memories alive - that postcard telling you what you could have in another life. The modern day Romeo and Juliet. How you must have laughed at me, the poor fool of a husband who's only able to stand in for your fantasy, ideal mate!"

"N-no!" Ashley fairly screamed. "You're wr-wrong! I-I was just so d-down and t-tired and you-you were never there. I just needed-needed some thrill. I-I never thought I was risking our mar-marriage. I never thought I-I w-was hurting you. I'm so so sorry!"

Will watched as the woman he'd once loved so much he couldn't imagine living life without dissolve into a sobbing heap. His heart still ached but he wasn't sure if it was for her pain or his own. He did know one thing was certain; that his love had been so tainted by her callous betrayal and her selfish indulgence of her lust and fantasies that it was no longer something he could define clearly.


"Doesn't change the fact that you made a conscious choice, Ashley. Be honest. No one forced adultery on you. And even when you were pregnant and when Cary was born, you held onto those fantasies and that postcard. Did you really think I never saw you crying over that card?"

Ashley shook her head, unable to explain how she'd needed those fantasies back then. How she'd revelled in the memories and the experience of living a fantasy. How she took the pain she'd inflicted and suffered and transformed them into glorious battle scars that she could relish as trophies of an experience gained and enjoyed.

"Did you ever consider you were continuing to cheat on me, on our marriage, on Cary every time you relived memories of that affair? Every single time was a stab at a bleeding wound."

"But-but yo-u..."

"Had my share of affairs too? One night stands?" Will had been prepared for this evidently.


"I was never unfaithful to you, to us, till I discover your affair. Even then, I never let them linger. You, on the other hand, kept stabbing our marriage and offering fresh blood to that vampire of a fantasy lover. Now, now it's almost bled out."

Ashley watched with horror as Will tossed a thick envelope on the table, having removed two from his luggage which she just noticed was next to his chair.

"You made your choices back then and forced the consequences on me. Now I've made my decision but I'll leave you a choice.”

He watched as his wife opened the envelope with trembling fingers. The sobs started back up as she glimpsed the separation agreement.

"I'm giving you a chance to observe what another life looks like, Ashley. No strings attached. Spend three weeks with a friend of mine, Ellen. She'll help you understand the man you chose over your vows back then. At the end of three weeks, you can decide if you prefer to lead another life or if you prefer the boring married life we have had."

After a lengthy silence in which Ashley struggled to restore control over herself, she asked almost inaudibly, “And if I refuse this crazy plan?"

"Then you'll not be receiving this no fault separation agreement. The minute you step foot back home, the petition for divorce in this other envelope will be filed. Based on irreconcilable differences arising from adultery. Everyone, and that basically means most of our neighbours and the reporting officers on the day I confronted you and your fuckbuddy, who has the slightest knowledge of your affair will be summoned as witnesses. Though the evidence may not hold up in court, the scandal will be enough to destroy you. And I'll get the doctors to testify that your preoccupation with your adulterous companion makes you an unfit mother. You will not see your son for as long as this drags through court. Do you think Cary will recognise you when he next sees you?"

Will winced internally. He hated using his son but that last twist was necessary to push Ashley to the edge with no space for more thought.

"Y-you wouldn't!"

Ashley's eyes rounded with horror. She'd never seen Will act this way.

"Why can't we just leave that all in the past? I thought we were doing that. Wasn't that what this trip is all about?"

"Did you, Ashley? You made the past a present continuous. You took the past, renewed its glory constantly and made it a medal that you hung over our bed. You enshrined it in your mind. And I can't do anything about it because I can't reach you. So now I want you to deal with it. Make your choice. "

Will felt some satisfaction seeing how the truth of his words brought a grimace to Ashley's face.

"And if I agree to your deal?"


"Then you get these no fault separation papers and a trip to Florida. If you decide at the end of three weeks that you prefer another life, you just have to sign these papers and send them back. You'll have joint custody of Cary but he'll not be travelling outside of the state till he's 16. So you'll have to fly back to visit. I'll send you tickets each year if you wish. But I'll not allow contact between my son and your companion. You'll just have to visit him alone."

"Why are you assuming I'll leave?"

"Because I made the mistake of thinking you never would betray us. I never make the same mistake twice."

"And what if I choose us after three weeks?"

Will saw the hidden streak of defiance he'd known ran through his wife in the determined gleam in her swollen eyes and firm chin. He admired her confidence in her mind and self even if he didn't share that confidence.


"Then we really put everything behind us. Draw that line in the sand and try to build our marriage from the bottom up."

Ashley stared at him. Apart from the fear and wariness, he saw hope flare in her eyes. In that instant he knew she would agree.

"Just one last thing, Ashley. You'll get a chance to see what another life looks like. But if you decide to meet or reach out to that man in any way, if you decide to start another life even before the three week deal is up, have the decency to sign and return these papers."


With that, Will picked up his luggage and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?"

Will stopped, reluctantly reacting to the panic in her voice. "I'm going to see to the disembarking procedures. We're sharing the car to the airport."

****

It was the longest ride both of them had ever taken. Ashley couldn't take the silence for long despite Will's obvious reluctance to engage in conversation.

"Why are you doing this now? During this holiday that was our chance to get away from everyone and everything?"

"Because you weren't letting it go. And you clung onto your fantasies and other life. Tell me you didn't resent me or Cary at some point."

Her shamefaced silence was his answer.

"How long have you planned this?"

"Ever since I found out about the postcard. I'd planned something before that but then you announced your pregnancy so..."

"So Cary changed nothing. Just delayed it."

Ashley's hands clenched over her belly but Will didn't notice the gesture.

No I can't tell him. If I’m pregnant, it'll just mean postponement. If I'm not, he'll think I'm trying to deceive him again.


She sat there barely conscious of him opening the door and helping her walk towards the departure gates. Only when he turned to leave did she recover enough to grasp his arm. She looked hard at the man she loved and married and betrayed. She kissed him and walked through the gates. To the nightmare she now realised was the other life she thought she'd wanted.


****
Ashley walked out the arrival gates, hardly aware of where she was going, she just put one foot in front of the other and followed the mass of humanity that flowed out. It was only when she was stopped by a kind looking older lady calling her name that she realised she was in Florida.

“Ashley? Ashley? Are you okay?”

The lady smiled and shook her arm a little.

“You...do you know me?”

“Hi, I’m Ellen, Will’s friend? You’ll be staying with me while you’re here in Florida.”

“You’re helping Will in this-this crazy scheme of his, aren’t you?” Ashley glared accusingly at the older woman, allowing her anger at Will to flow freely at the one target that was a substitute for the husband who had forced her on this crazy journey.

The expression of sympathy on the woman’s face and her sudden realisation that Will had planned all this over the two years since her affair left Ashley feeling suddenly overwhelmed. Her knees almost buckled, her eyes burned with tears and all she wanted to do was to curl up on the floor and simply cease to exist.

Ellen was standing next to her in a flash, having recognised the shock and distress that was overwhelming the young wife and mother. In so many ways, it was so like her own predicament on that front porch of her former home that Ellen’s heart went out to the young woman next to her. Cheating wife or not, no one deserved this. She muttered several invectives under her breath at the young man she’d come to think of as a son of sorts. As she directed the younger woman towards her car, she noticed how Ashley was, for all intents and purposes, moving without much awareness of her surroundings and seemingly uncaring of where she was headed.

Nope, not well done at all, Will.

Ellen sighed not for the first time that day as she thought of what lay ahead in the upcoming weeks. While she had come to understand and empathise with the young man who’d approached her for help when he’d first discovered his wife’s betrayal, Ellen had disagreed with Will’s plan when he first brought it up almost half a year ago. Despite the arguments and persuasion she had thrown his way, it became apparent Will was not about to change his mind or course. She had agreed to help simply because she feared things would be even more complicated and might spiral out of control if she didn’t intervene.


Ashley leaned her head against the glass of the car and sat in silence as Ellen drove her towards God knows where. She wasn’t overly interested, she was still too shocked to deal with the fact that she was cruising the streets of Florida with a woman she hardly knew, who was aiding her husband in his madness.

Her overwrought nerves was making her feel nauseated and the humidity of Florida’s summer was starting to make her gag. Ellen handed Ashley a sick bag before the younger woman could even ask for one. After the younger woman finished her dry heaves into the bag, Ellen reached into the dashboard compartment and handed her a mini bottle of water. “Here, you should probably get some water down, it’ll help. Never had to deal with summer in Florida huh?”

Ashley’s weak nod answered her question and the silence stretched. Ashley was so out of it that she barely registered the fact that they'd arrived at their destination and certainly never noticed Ellen's sudden rush to get her into the building. So it was no surprise that she failed to recognise the familiar figure slamming out of the house across the street who rode his bike noisily out of the driveway. Then again, neither did the man recognise the married woman he'd had an affair with almost two years ago. The adulterous couple went past each other absorbed in their own thoughts with no sign of their magical connection in sight.

****

Ellen thought it best to let Ashley rest for a few hours before Will's plan started. When Ashley woke and walked out to the dining room, Ellen cleared her throat and asked her guest to sit down at the table for a talk.

"I'm not sure how much Will has told you about the idea behind your trip to Florida," Ellen began, heading straight to the crux of the issue.

"He wants me to observe Jackson for three weeks before making my decision," Ashley stated flatly, her voice devoid of any emotion.

"That's true, but there are two things you need before that starts." Ellen pushed a stack of thick files towards Ashley.

Ashley looked at the pile of files in front of her with some puzzlement.

"What's this?"

"This is the information on Jackson gathered by the agency hired by Will. Including information on the woman he's currently with."

Ashley had expected to feel more emotional at hearing that Jackson was with someone else. So she was surprised that all she felt was that slight twinge of irritation or annoyance, that sourness at hearing one of her exes in college was with a new girl. She was keenly aware of the fact that Ellen was watching her closely but was still too unsettled by the recent turn of events to be too bothered.

"So, I'm to read this? This is part of the test?"

Ashley didn't like the rueful smile on the older lady's face.

"Let's just call it preparatory work."

By the time they broke for lunch, Ashley felt like she'd learnt more about her bad boy ex-lover than she'd ever wanted to know. Jackson had started getting into trouble since the senior year of high school. Going from hitting on the principal's daughter to the preacher's niece. There was a mention about his having caused some trouble for a married teacher but no real charges were ever brought and the teacher transferred away before he graduated. At one point, about a month before graduation, there was a record of a misdemeanour. Apparently, the town hospital reported a spate of vandalism incidents. And on one occasion, they had reported that Jackson was caught on camera not just vandalising hospital property but also puncturing the tyres of a doctor who had been his attending doctor a short while earlier. When asked why he'd done all that, Jackson simply said he wanted to punish that lying doctor. Charges were eventually dropped after his mother pleaded with the hospital and the authorities. A month later, Jackson graduated and left town. It had been barely weeks after his estranged father passed away due to an accident. From then on, it was a life of drifting, work and hanging with bikers. It didn't take long before he fell in with a biker gang whose local chapter ran guns and drugs. Jackson rose up the ranks and seemed to get along with the gang leader till things took a turn for the worse.

A week after Jackson paid his mother one of his infrequent visits, the FBI raided the hangout of the gang and arrested the chapter leader along with several senior enforcers. The FBI seemed really lucky, striking the jackpot almost literally, carrying out that raid just as the gang was completing a deal. In one fell swoop, they nabbed gang members, the leader and a load of evidence.

Jackson was pretty lucky too, he had ridden off to headquarters to ask for another load of goods just minutes before the Feds closed in. While there was some suspicion surrounding his lucky escape, the gang's attention soon turned to the local deputy sheriff who had been asking for a larger cut of profits in return for keeping a watch out for the authorities and ensuring gang activities didn't attract unnecessary attention. It helped that the deputy sheriff turned state witness, which completely exonerated Jackson in the eyes of the gang.

If anything, Jackson rose through the ranks at a phenomenal speed once he had relocated to the gang's headquarters. The old man running the gang, one of its founding members, took a shine to Jackson. Particularly after his son, the chapter leader, landed in prison.

The old man took Jackson under his wing and made him a deputy. Then one day, Jackson disappeared. Along with a bunch of the gang's money and the latest squeeze of the old man, a young woman just a year older than Jackson himself. Not that the gang took much notice of the whole affair since the Feds raided headquarters before anyone even noticed Jackson's absence. Jackson's part in the whole shit storm only came to light when he appeared in the witness stand on the part of the prosecution.

Surprisingly, the trial went off without a hitch till after the sentencing. Jackson had looked at the old man and screamed out in court, "Don't you want to know why? You old bastard! Remember Margaret Miller? Remember the child you left her with? The bastard has come back to roost, you old fuck! I'm fucking your woman like some cheap slut and she can't get enough of it! Neither can your son's whore!"

Jackson's outburst apparently brought nothing from the old man in way of reaction since the court reporter merely described the old man as giving a crooked smile and spitting at Jackson when he was led away while court officials tried to restrain the incoherent young man.

That episode was followed by a silence of almost three years, in which time it was assumed that Jackson had gone into the Federal Witness Protection Program. But the boy didn't seem capable of staying out of trouble. Leading a quiet life was something beyond Jackson.  He apparently retrieved some of his loot from the gang, resurfaced in a town and was soon involved with the pastor's daughter. It was scandalous since she'd married her high school sweetheart who was the mayor's son. Jackson had been in town barely a month before there was gossip that the mayor's son's wife was spotted taking rides on the back of the stranger's bike. Madison, it seemed, had a predilection for bad boys.

The flood of information that inundated her brain made Ashley glad when Ellen asked her to break for lunch. The older woman decided not to probe when she noticed Ashley's preoccupied state as both women picked over the salad and pasta that Ellen had prepared. All through lunch, Ashley pondered if she would have gotten involved with Jackson if she'd known just what kind of troubled past lay behind that bad boy.

Ok, I liked that air of mystery and danger that Jackson had. But I never thought he was really capable of anything seriously bad. Face it Ashley, you just want the bad boy vibe but not the real deal.

Ashley sighed and looked up from her salad to see the older lady look at her with some amusement.

"Must be a fascinating conversation in your head," Ellen chuckled.

Ashley merely rolled her eyes but relaxed for the first time since Will dropped his surprise on her. Ellen noticed the younger woman was visibly less tensed and decided to leave her to her own devices and the stack of files Will had the agency compile. She didn't think it would have done well to let the younger woman know that Will had called in twice to check on her. It was abundantly clear that Will still loved his wife. Equally clear was Will's inability to trust or forgive his wife. In some way she understood the young husband's obsession with punishing  his wife and testing her. If he never got the poison out of his system, their marriage was doomed and both were condemned to a lifetime of pain, trapped in a cage with shattered glass at every turn. She turned and looked at the young wife, praying the younger woman had the mettle to see a way through.

Ashley, meanwhile, was absorbed in the picture of Jackson's latest companion that she was beginning to assemble from the files that the PI agency had put together. What began as a curious sense of familiarity soon gave way to a disturbing realisation that Madison was a version of herself leading a similar but yet different life. A younger woman who had always been average; looks, grades and even lifestyle. Nothing stood out. They were both brunette, of average height and even shared the same penchant for bad boys which the pastor's daughter had wisely kept under wraps. However, gossip among her school friends had revealed that she'd dated the bad boys back in school and only stopped after her last boyfriend slapped her around. She was rescued by the town's favourite boy, also the mayor's son. She seemed to have decided to take the safe option from then and eventually married the guy after they graduated college.

Madison worked as a personal assistant to the town's most successful businessman, her uncle. While she kept her head down and seemed quietly contented with her life, she always seemed to be daydreaming and often went through her days with her head in the clouds. Ashley recognised with no small dose of irony the same signs of latent restlessness, repressed dissatisfaction and boredom that marked her own life before she encountered Jackson.

With that understanding, Ashley was hardly surprised that three days after Jackson rolled into town, Madison had taken notice of the stranger with that clear bad boy vibe and had been spotted chatting with him at the local supermarket. Perhaps it was the claustrophobia of her hometown, Madison fell hard for the stranger and was seen taking rides on his bike when she'd pleaded off work saying she'd a headache or wasn't feeling well. When she was spotted kissing the stranger, the elders of the town decided things had gone far enough. Some clearly warned the stranger to clear out of town and Madison's parents and friends staged an intervention. Her husband had been completely unaware of what she'd been up to, having been preoccupied by work and plans for starting a family.

Under the enormous pressure of family and friends, Madison broke down and confessed that while she hadn't started a physical affair with Jackson, she was close to capitulating. She'd actually packed a small bag and was about to leave town with Jackson when she felt unwell and visited the doctor. The news that she was two months pregnant had terrified her and proved to be the deal breaker for Jackson who left her to get home from the clinic alone. He'd returned to his rental to face Madison's father and brothers and left without much fuss.

Madison had apparently repented her scandalous behaviour and decided to become a good wife and mother. Yet, the aftereffects of her short adventure never waned. She moped for much of her pregnancy and dreamt of what could have been, according to her cousin whom she'd confided in when her depression got too much for her.

Looking at the timeline presented by the PI information, Ashley was mildly surprised that it was barely three months before he rolled into her neighbourhood.

So much for never having been with a married woman before me. Well, I guess it is technically true since Madison didn't sleep with me. No, just slutty me who couldn't keep from sleeping with the bad boy new neighbour.

Ashley groaned as she thought of how easily she'd fallen. Where it had been easy to disguise her misdeeds, seeing her behaviour mirrored in someone so similar to her made her realise both the shallow crudity that Will and perhaps others saw in her as well as Jackson's ability to spot and exploit the vulnerability of his female targets.

Damn, the counsellors and psychiatrists were right!

She swallowed that bitter realisation with difficulty as she sipped the coffee Ellen had offered her. It was hard to ignore what she’d seen play out in front of her, in that little mirror named Madison. The biggest difference was Madison took that leap and was now living her dream with Jackson.

According to what Madison's cousin revealed, Madison never truly got over Jackson and her fantasies over what could have been worsened after the birth of her daughter. Dissatisfaction, fantasies surrounding the bad boy and postnatal depression worsened by the bloated body shape she felt was the legacy of her ill-timed pregnancy made Madison all the more resentful of her family and husband who she blamed for trapping her and causing her misery.

Ashley found herself wondering at some point why Madison's family failed to get her professional psychiatric or counselling help. She figured that the shame the family felt at Madison's behaviour probably contributed to their blindness to the seething emotions and the suppressed anger that Madison was harbouring but which seeped out in tell-tale signs. According to other friends that the agents ferreted information out of, Madison was distant from her husband following the discovery of her elopement attempt. That distance extended to her baby daughter when the infant was born. Most friends noted that it was Madison's husband who took care of the infant while Madison often seemed annoyed by the wailing infant. Madison's cousin also revealed that any attempt by her husband to persuade her to see a psychiatrist or a counsellor resulted in angry refusals and a sullen Madison.

Things changed about two months after Madison's daughter was born. Madison became less emotional and was actively trying to lose weight. While she slept in a different room from her husband, she no longer treated him or the baby with hostility. In fact, she began to show some affection to her daughter, almost, as her cousin described it, as if she felt guilt over her bad behaviour.

Just when everyone breathed a sigh of relief thinking Madison was getting back to being the nice girl next door that she had been, she disappeared. Her husband and family were frantic. She had cleared out the bank account she'd solely in her name. She didn't leave any messages indicating any trouble. Only two weeks later did she send a postcard with a postmark indicating a location in California.

In that postcard, she'd said she was tired of obeying the rules all the time and decided to live the way she wanted with the man she loved. She asked her family not to look for her and that she didn't want anything from her marriage, not any money or even her own daughter. Her husband was devastated but had no choice but to focus on the little girl who had been abandoned by her own mother. The family never gave up looking for Madison but had little luck locating her. Only when they looked into the mailbox Madison had maintained on the desktop computer in the house did they discover Madison had gotten into contact with Jackson. He had sent her an email shortly after she'd given birth and they had rekindled their affair.

Over the last year, Madison had travelled with Jackson as he went across different states, dodging the pursuit of remaining members of the biker gang he'd betrayed years earlier. He'd made occasional trips to visit Margaret, his mother but never felt comfortable enough to stay. That changed almost six months earlier when Madison apparently wanted to settle down somewhere. Jackson picked Florida again, just as he had after his affair with Ashley had ended.

It was hard to swallow but Ashley felt strangely relieved that she now knew more about the man next door than she'd ever thought to find out. The air of enigmatic mystery peeled away to show the dents and scars of a complicated man she once had such strong fantasies about. Ashley wasn't sure if she truly saw past those illusions she had and saw the man behind the mysterious air. Yes, she'd had something for the bad boy type but this wasn't just some bad boy cliché, he was a criminal who dodged the law by betraying his fellow accomplices and what was likely his own family. She wasn't sure she'd have gone for that bad boy vibe if she'd known what he was really like.

Thinking about Madison was tough for Ashley. Sure, there was the slight twinge when she realised that it took Jackson almost no time getting over her and shifting back to Madison. Even shorter if she took into account the time between her receiving the postcard and when Jackson started back up with Madison. Then she reflected on the fact that it took Jackson less than three weeks before he fucked her on his couch. A familiar wave of shame hit her again.

How can I possibly judge that woman when I'm no better?

Ashley shook her head as she tried recalling the emotions and thoughts that drove her into the arms of the man next door. As she pondered, she realised it was the first time she'd ever been able to confront her adulterous affair without shying away from the truth of her actions. She was unhappy, she'd felt trapped, drowning in the mundane responsibilities of being a married woman and dreading the life of interminable humdrum drudgery that seemed to await her. Will was preoccupied with work and getting them more secure financially so they could start a family. They were fighting because Will didn't seem to have time to be with her and she was keenly aware that it seemed as if she was becoming less attractive. Her confidence had gone the way of her zest for life, crushed by the burden of middle class struggles.

Jackson had appeared and reignited her bad boy obsession. Along with that obsession came those memories of what life had been when she was younger, when she was back in school, before life became complicated and all its colours muted. She was reminded of the energy and desire for what life had to offer, a stark contrast to the enervated existence she felt she had at that point. Fairly or otherwise, Jackson, with all his enigmatic air of mystery and bad boy vibe, offered not just that freedom she felt speeding away on the back of his bike but also that other life she'd always imagined she would have as a teenager. A life that was exciting, fun, free. A life that didn't include having to work at a boring job, scrimping and saving and dealing with the frustrations of life. A life that she now realised was so exciting because it was undefined. And unrealistic.

Ashley sighed. Her penchant for escapism had coloured all of her illusions and fantasies surrounding Jackson and that other life that she saw herself living with him. All of that merely enhanced the quality of sex that she'd experienced with him. She'd thought she'd experienced the best sex and orgasms of her life with Jackson, fuelled as they were by her fantasies. And if she were honest with herself, the thrill of doing something she knew was wrong, when she'd been eager all her life to conform and gain approval, merely heightened the sexual excitement.

Ashley felt shame turning her all red as she recalled how she'd silently rejected Will sexually after her first fuck session with Jackson. She'd compared her lovers and thought her husband lacking. Yet, the threat of the threesome that Will had initiated on the day she said goodbye to Jackson and her discovery of Will with Lisa had made her more attuned to Will’s attractions, something she’d forgotten in all the years they had been together. As much as she hated to admit it, Will had become a different man after his discovery of her affair and in many ways, that and the threat of possibly losing him to another woman brought a new edge to their lovemaking.

Yes, that was the difference! We make love, with anyone else it was just fucking.

Ashley never told anyone but for a time after Will resumed having sex with her, she felt he was merely fucking her. Gone was the gentle, loving Will. The new Will was rough and less considerate. Sure, he gave her pleasure but also took his without worrying if she was comfortable or not. There was a part of him that he kept turned off and shut out from her. Some of that sweet Will had returned when she was pregnant with Cary though she suspected that it was largely because of the baby.

A frown creased her brow as Ashley recalled Will's distance and behaviour during the cruise. She almost facepalmed herself.

How could I have missed the warning signs? Will was so obviously putting distance between us before he set me this test.

Ashley's heart sank as the thought of Will having made his mind up and writing off their marriage struck her.

No! Calm down. If Will had decided that, he would have served me divorce papers. No, he just wants me to see the truth of what I had wanted for so long, the other life.

Now that she was looking at that other life, Ashley wasn't too sure she really wanted another life. She ached to return to her husband and child. Why did the life she once despised look so out of reach now?

****

Ellen silently regarded the younger woman who sat staring at the coffee and toast that lay before her on the dining table. She'd been mildly surprised by the silence that surrounded Will's wife as she sat reading. Perhaps she'd expected the young wife would have been more upset by the news that Jackson was with another woman. Yet Ashley had had little to no reaction whatsoever. It bode well for her marriage.

Abruptly, Ashley asked the question foremost in her mind.

"So what are we doing today? Will mentioned weeks of this test."

"Well, we're going to meet someone once you're done with breakfast."

The younger woman's shrug told Ellen she wasn't curious about the person they were meeting.

"Whatever," Ashley muttered. Then she fidgeted before looking up and asking with some hesitation in her voice, "Can I please log in and see Cary first?"

Ellen smiled. "Of course. You’ll need the login details Will gave you."

Ellen marvelled at the bright smile spread on the young wife's face as Ashley smiled at her for the first time since she arrived in Florida. An hour later, that smile had turned into an uncomprehending gape of puzzlement that was accompanied by the slightly swollen eyes of the young mother.

"Who are we meeting?"

"Margaret Miller."

****

Five minutes later, Ashley found herself standing in front of a door in an upper floor in the same condo that she and Ellen presently lived in.


Ashley sat in her former neighbour’s living room in the awkward silence that enveloped the three women after Margaret opened the door to them. The questions that flooded her mind the minute she heard they were visiting Jackson’s mother were on the tip of her tongue but nothing it seemed could move them past her teeth and into the heavy air.

Margaret cleared her throat.

“I know you’re probably wondering why I agreed to talk to you about my son,” the older woman started abruptly, breaking the stony silence.

“I didn't want to do this when Will approached me a couple of months back. But he made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. You probably know some of Jackson’s ‘issues’. My boy has always had the devil in him. Came from his father, not from me.”

As much as the older woman wanted to appear detached, it was clearly difficult for her to talk about her son and neither of her audience members missed the defensive tone that had crept in.

Margaret’s nerves started to get the better of her and her eyes flitted restlessly around the room.

“Now, I know people say I’m to blame for Jackson’s bad choices and behaviour. I didn’t make the best choices but I did what I could for that boy. Ain’t no one can tell me otherwise.”

No one said a word in response but Margaret continued on a defensive note.

“I was married at a young age. We were high school sweethearts. Everyone assumed we would get married and we did. Life was tough but we made it through the first few years when there was little. Then he did well and got promoted. Started working all kinds of hours. We wanted to wait to have kids because we wanted to have more money before those young ‘uns started coming.”

Margaret’s eyes started to look unfocused, almost as if the past had pushed aside the present.

“I don’t want to say that was what caused me to make mistakes, but that was what it was. We had no kids, he was always working, and I had nothing to do. When he got back, he was always tired. At some point, I just thought, ‘This is what it’s gonna be like for the rest of my life’. And I just accepted it. Because what else could I do?”

Ashley caught herself almost nodding in sympathy with the older woman. She had never been close to Margaret even when they were neighbours. Yet, she felt that uncanny sense of comradeship as her feelings just before Jackson rolled into town came pouring out of her ex-lover’s mother’s mouth.

“Then he came into town. That foul mouthed, dirty Irish biker. The type I had always avoided. The type I had always been warned about. I was always protected from that kind of danger and I didn't like those types back in school. Hell, I was the preacher’s daughter and brought up to be the good girl. But you know what they say, what’s forbidden is always sweeter. It just started off as someone to take some edge off the boring day. Someone to talk to. Someone who had something interesting to say. Not just work and life. Then he invited me for rides. And it was exciting. My husband had never ridden a bike and neither had I. The danger, the wind, the feel of another man’s hard body… it just became impossible to resist. Then my husband heard talk around town and he confronted me but I denied it all. We had a horrible fight and I cried when he left for work. Then he came round. He knew I was weak and he took advantage. I had never slept with anyone else apart from my husband and it was exciting. He was different, he wasn't gentle. He took what he wanted and he was rough but I thought that was alright because.. Well, because he wasn’t my husband. I wanted something different, you know?”

Margaret spread her hands in a gesture almost touching in its helplessness.

"I just wanted something different. Something exciting. You know how you may like vanilla ice cream but sometimes you just long for mint?"

Ashley could hardly look her former neighbour straight in the face. She never thought the yearning for something different and exciting resulting in adultery would be the hidden connection between her and the woman next door.

"Anyway," Margaret continued after a long drag on the cigarette she'd lit as the talk took its toll on her nerves. "It wasn't long before my husband found out. He was furious and he threw me out. That biker was leaving town and I had nowhere to go so I followed him. He didn't like it much. Found out later he had an old lady back home, couple of states away. I was just a fling. When I clung to him, he started getting annoyed. Soon, he started sharing me with the rest of his gang."

Ashley swallowed past the lump in her throat as the older lady looked down, her pain radiating through her tense frame and trembling fingers that left ash strewn around the table. She didn't like her former neighbour much but she felt the pain of the older woman.

"I didn't like it but what could I do? It became worse after that, a week later I started getting sick and after I started throwing up, I had to see some doctor in the town we passed through. He told me I was pregnant. I thought it would make him treat me better. Boy was I wrong."

Ellen and Ashley winced at the bitterness that leaked from the caustic laughter of the other woman.

"He railed at me like it was my fault for getting pregnant. I wasn't sure if it was his kid or my husband's. So I kept quiet. Then the next day, the bastard disappeared with his gang. Coward didn't want no burden of another child. So he left me at the motel. I had no money except for a few dollars I'd scraped together. The motel owner allowed me to make some calls and I called everyone I could. My friends wouldn't help me, they were afraid of gossip. My mother told me that my father had disowned me and would throw her out if she helped me. I had no help from nobody. I pleaded with the motel owner and was allowed to stay a few days in exchange for me doing some cleaning. Two days later, my husband turned up. The guy who had thrown me out had come to my rescue when no one would. My mother had pleaded with him and given him the address of the motel that I'd told her. He took me back home and got me to the doctor. I wanted to get rid of the baby but he told me that the kid was innocent. And maybe it was his."

The shuddering breath Margaret drew told the other ladies how the memories were stirring emotions she'd buried for a long time.

"I had nightmares about the gang for weeks and my husband was there, just quietly helping me. I saw the man I betrayed doing things for me he didn't need to and that was more effective than a thousand preachers. I prayed so hard that the baby was his. Then Jackson was born. It was such a nightmare that I was sure God was punishing me for what I'd done. But the punishment came later. When Jackson was a year old, he looked so much like that biker that both my husband and I knew he was not his child. One day he sat me down and told me that he no longer loved me and had found someone new. So we divorced."

At Ellen's curious stare, Margaret merely smiled bitterly and sighed.

"Ironic isn't it? The man I thought I didn't love anymore was leaving me and I loved him more then than I ever did. But what could I do? I'd hurt him and he deserved better."

Margaret blinked furiously, battling the tears that rose unbidden to her eyes.

"And he found better. She was a widow who had a young child and had fallen for the quiet hardworking man who was mine but whom I'd thrown away. Although he soon started a family with her, he helped whenever he could. He'd let me stay in our house, helped me find a job and was paying child support though he didn't have to. She was kind too and never begrudged the time he took to spend with my boy."

A rueful smile crossed Margaret's face as she flicked the ash from the cigarette into the ashtray.

"She was probably kinder to Jackson than I was. I didn't want to resent my boy but I did blame him for making my relationship with my husband irreparable. Maybe without him, I could have made things work again. But Jackson was always there. A constant reminder of my mistakes, how I'd wrecked my own marriage and life."

Ashley looked at her former neighbour and wondered if part of the enigmatic appeal she'd felt emanating from Jackson came from the hurt and issues he'd with his family.

"Jackson never understood why there was this distance between us. He didn't understand that every time he acted up and he looked at me with those eyes of his, I remembered his biological father and the hell he put me through. My husband tried to get me to resolve those issues but I couldn't get over them. As he grew up, Jackson was also increasingly aware that he and his father didn't seem to share the same camaraderie that my husband shared with his other children. He never understood. Not until the month before his high school graduation."

Ashley wondered at the flash of pain that appeared in the woman's eyes.

"There was this terrible accident. Some biker had been a nuisance and obstructed my husband's car. The biker distracted my husband and a truck came out of nowhere and hit his car. His children were in the car with him but he took the brunt of the impact because the truck struck the driver's side. He was brought to hospital and they tried to stem the bleeding. He had a relatively rare blood type and his children were injured so they couldn't donate blood. Jackson had rushed to the hospital the moment he heard about the accident and had offered to donate blood. They did a test and told him he was not a match. So he could do nothing but watch the man he'd thought was his father, and who treated him more like a son than his mother did, die. That changed something in my boy. He never spoke to me about that accident or what happened at the hospital. He ran away soon after. Only years later, when he suddenly turn up and asked me about his real father did I find out what had happened when my husband died."

Margaret stubbed out the cigarette and ended her story.

"I never forgot my husband, he'd been more decent a person than I deserved. But life had to go on. I remarried a few years after that. There wasn't love, it was just for companionship. I had to leave that house, that state. Couldn't deal with the memories any longer and my present husband, well, he was my boss and was looking to retire in Florida. He knows this isn't love but it beats being alone in a cold bed. So here I am."

It was obvious Margaret had nothing else to say so Ashley asked the one question she'd wanted to ask from the start.

"Why would you speak to us, to me? You didn't have to reveal all that."

"Well, your husband drives a hard bargain, my dear. In return for him not revealing the location of my boy to those who are looking for him, I have to dish the dirt on Jackson's past. Would have never thought young Will capable of that."

****


Ashley almost collapsed on the chair she'd largely claimed for herself since she arrived two days earlier. The events of the last three days from the time Will dropped his bombshell of a surprise drained her of all her energy and she was convinced nothing could surprise her further.  She wasn't quite sure how she'd made the walk from Margaret's apartment back to the one she shared with Ellen. Both women were silent as they picked at the salad and sandwiches that Ellen had put together.

"So Will came here when he claimed that he had that work trip some months back?"

Ellen had been startled when Ashley broke the awkward silence that had enveloped them when they were back at the apartment, but she nodded her head.

"How is he able to afford this?" A frown furrowed her forehead as the young mother started worrying. "We should be saving all this money for Cary's education."

Ellen hid the smile that rose to her lips as she heard the younger woman worry aloud over her child's future. This was a different Ashley from the one Will had described just a year ago.  The reckless and selfish young wife who threw everything away for an adulterous affair. The accountant who didn't give a damn about the boring bits of life like the bills and expenses.  Ashley had done some growing up. Little wonder then that Will had hesitated over carrying out his plans. Yet his fears and inner demons had driven the young man, overcoming any qualms he might have had over putting his wife to the test.

That young man is too stubborn for his own good.

Ellen silently sighed. She felt for her friend's rage and pain but knew they were dangerous for the marriage he seemed so ambivalent about protecting.

Knowing Will had not been upfront about his career status with his wife, Ellen decided to reveal further details of Will’s plan, if nothing else, as a way to distract the younger woman from her thoughts on the finances of her husband.

"Actually Ashley, Will wanted you to have a more close up view of the other life you could have," Ellen said, ignoring the noticeable wince of the younger woman as she heard another reference to her former fantasy of another life.

Ellen led Ashley to the study that she had barely noticed when she first arrived.

“Actually, Jackson has been living very near Margaret for much of the last six months.  And this is why Will decided to rent this apartment. This is your front row seat to Jackson's life..."

Ashley stood slack jawed as she looked at the camera and screens that stood beside the window that looked over a row of houses across the street. The only thought that crossed her mind was how literal Will had been when he said she'd have a close up view of 'another life'.

Over the following 72 hours, Ashley felt she had more insight into Jackson than she had when she was having an affair with him. Perhaps it was the effect of the information gathered by the PI agency. It could even have been the effect of seeing him without the filter of her illusions and fantasies. The only thing that was certain was Ashley was seeing Jackson in a whole new light.

She saw the same attractive bad boy biker, but she also saw the man who treated the woman who had abandoned her family and marriage to be with him with a level of crude callousness that alarmed her. Ashley witnessed how the thrill and excitement of living with this enigmatic man transformed into helpless resignation on the part of Madison. In Madison's tears and sadness, which she only indulged in in Jackson's absence, Ashley saw the potential outcome of "another life". The friction of living together with another person and the vicissitudes of life had taken off the shine of what had been new and exciting, leaving only mutual resentment and exhaustion in its wake.

The blindness she had to her own self failed to function when she observed Madison, a girl who so resembled her in ways other than physical appearance. The shallowness, selfishness and confusion exhibited in this mirror of sorts made her cringe involuntarily.

By the end of the third day of observing the couple, Ashley felt like she'd overdosed on a reality TV series exposing the mundane lives of young couples. She saw the petty squabbles, the dissatisfaction, the struggle to maintain some sort of civil relationship. Above all, she saw the anger created by unrealistic expectations and the caustic effects of regret. Madison's joy in the new life growing inside her was muted by the guilt she felt over the child she abandoned. The guilt manifested itself in her obsessive poring over photos which she kept hidden in her luggage. Madison only dared to indulge in tearful sessions of staring at the photos when Jackson left the house.

Jackson's cold attitude towards Madison's pregnancy also dismayed Ashley. It seemed almost as if he resented the fact that his lover was pregnant and often expressed his dissatisfaction with her pregnant body. Over a period of mere days, Jackson's image was tarnished beyond repair in Ashley's mind, making her wonder once again what she saw in her fuckbuddy.

By the end of that week, Ashley was increasingly restless. Given the choice, she would have flown home to be with her baby. Yet she remembered Will's insistence on her completing the plan before she made her decision. Aware of her restlessness, Ellen tried to interest Ashley in the work she was doing for 'couples in recovery’. The young mother started off with some resistance and indifference, disliking the constant reminder of her own mistakes. However, the more stories she heard from Ellen, the more Ashley appreciated the work Ellen did. After hearing Ellen's own story, Ashley understood why the older woman was so eager to help Will and her. When Ellen told Ashley how Will had first approached her for help, the younger woman's devastation was apparent. Ashley was subdued for most of the next couple of days as she pondered how desperate Will must have been to ask for help from a stranger. Ellen was secretly impressed as Ashley had never shown any sign of considering the impact of her actions on Will. The more empathetic Ashley was a different creature from the self-indulgent wife Will had led her to expect.


****


Ashley had just logged into her email account and was preparing to access the portal for Cary’s video feed when she noticed an email titled:  crushing revenge of a husband. Not understanding how such an email landed in her inbox, she opened the email and saw a list of video links. At first, the shaky images confused her, but just before she was about to click off on the video, she saw an image that brought her heart up her throat. It was Will and he was instructing what looked like a demolition crew on what they were about to do that day. Her heart pounded with fear though Will’s instructions were not really audible, the direction he pointed was clear though. He had pointed at the house next door. Margaret’s and Jackson’s old house. When the clip ended, Ashley found herself clicking impatiently on the next link and gasped as she saw the demolition crew drag out the furnishings and fittings from the house next door.

“Noo!”

The cry of distress brought Ellen running, fearful that something had distressed the younger woman. Ashley, she noted, had appeared lethargic and lacked appetite. Coupled with the stomach upset she appeared to be nursing, Ellen was starting to wonder if she should suggest the younger woman test herself. The images playing on the screen made no sense to Ellen as she struggled to figure out what had the younger brunette holding her hand to her mouth. Only when she saw Will in a hard hat, brandishing an industrial sledgehammer did she comprehend what was going on.

Will’s going through with his plan. Dang! There ain’t no stopping that young man!

Both women watched as Will went loco on sofa set that was dragged out of the house and placed on the driveway. The almost feral expression on his face coupled with the ferocity of his attacks on the offending piece of furniture was matched by the silence of the crowd that had gathered to watch the demolition. Ashley recognised faces in the crowd shot taken by whoever was holding the video camera, they were all her neighbours. Only Mrs Thompson seemed to be missing, which led to her surmising that the neighbourhood gossip was probably the one doing the shooting of the video. A voice was heard asking, “Wow, what has he got against that sofa?” Another voice, sounding like the lady from two houses up the street, said in an almost conspiratorial whisper captured by the video camera, “Don’t you remember what happened almost two years ago? That no good biker son of Margaret’s and that sweet quiet wife of Will’s…”

The abrupt ending of the second clip did nothing to assuage the hysteria rising in the chest of one of the subjects of that conversation. Ellen could do nothing but hold the shaking younger woman’s shoulders in an effort to calm her.

“Are you sure you want to continue watching this?”

Ashley barely got out a nod, she had been shaking like a tree caught in gale force winds. Her trembling fingers moved the mouse over to the next link and both ladies watched grimly as the next clip loaded. Will’s stony expression took on an eerie glow as he threw matches on the doused remains of the sofa set and watched. With an audible ‘whoosh’, the flames leapt to life and engulfed the sofa in minutes. The relevant town authorities were present, watching the scene with the same grim detachment as Will. The scene bore testament to the detailed planning and effort Will had taken on for this task.

The video ended with Will walking, sledgehammer in hand again, towards the bathtub which stood nearer the porch of the house next door.

“H-he he knows! God! He knows!” Ashley cried brokenly. The thoughts that ran through the young wife’s mind were not the delicious memories of her affair with Jackson, centred on those pieces of furniture. Rather, her mind was swamped by the awful panic and fear that came with the revelation that Will knew every last detail of her adulterous fling.

Ashley barely recognised the ragged sobs filling the room as hers. She stared fearfully at the screen as Will reduced the bathtub that she had adored in Jackson’s house to little more than debris in minutes. Again that fierce gleam in his eyes made him seem ever more dangerous. The rage pouring off him was almost visible and tangible, making the audience collectively edge away.

Ashley was little more than a weeping heap as the final clip loaded. Will operated the wrecking ball as safety officials, who had issued a licence which was taped to the crane, gave the final go-ahead from the sidelines of the neighbourhood circus. And within minutes, there was rubble where the house next door once stood. It seemed to be an anti-climactic end for the audience of neighbours who had gathered but the tight smile of satisfaction across Will’s face was unmistakable.

“He k-knows...h-he k-knows...Ellen! Wha-what a-mm I going to do?” The young wife sobbed helplessly. “H-he w-will n-never for-give m-me!” stuttered Ashley.

Ellen could only hold the distressed younger woman as she sobbed out her fears and pain at the clearest sign that the hope of saving her marriage seemed as precarious as sandcastles in the face of an incoming wave.

****

Hours later at lunch, Ellen looked with concern at the dazed young mother who sat staring listlessly at the food on her plate through eyes still red and swollen. When Ashley bolted for the bathroom and unmistakable sounds of retching were heard coming from behind the locked door, Ellen sighed and decided to bring out the test kits she’d purchased at the drugstore when she picked up ingredients for lunch from a nearby supermarket. Ashley had remained in the car, silent and still like a statue. Ellen had been too worried about her emotional state to risk leaving the young woman alone in the apartment.

When the young wife opened the door of the bathroom, weakened by the vomiting and emotional stress, she was faced with the concerned older woman she’d grudgingly come to regard as a friend.

“You should get tested, Ashley.”

“I suspected it on the cruise,” Ashley muttered brokenly, her eyes shifting uncomfortably to the ground.

“And you didn’t tell Will? Oh, Ashley,” Ellen tut tutted.

Eyes flashing with that brief spark of anger and frustration, Ashley asked, “Would that have made any difference?”

Ellen privately agreed with her, having been familiar with Will’s plans and how Ashley’s earlier pregnancy merely meant a postponement and not the cancellation of his plans. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to quash the brief spark of hope she thought she saw flash through Ashley’s eyes before anger and frustration clouded them.

The two women stared at each other for a while before Ashley mutely took the tests and locked herself in the bathroom. Time seemed to crawl until Ashley finally unlocked the door and almost staggered into the embrace of the older woman.

“What am I going to do?” The distressed wife wailed. Ellen had no answers.

****

“So how’s she doing?”

“As well as could be expected.”

“What do you mean by that?”

For a brief moment, Ellen felt tempted to tell Will that he had just fathered a second kid.  She remembered Ashley’s stubborn insistence that she not reveal her condition to anyone, least of all Will.

“...I don’t want him pulling this again in another couple of years,” Ashley had begged. “Please just let me get through this.”

Ellen sighed and changed the topic.

“Why did you allow your neighbour to send those demolition videos to Ashley? She saw them and she’s really upset.”

“What!”

Will’s outburst confirmed Ellen’s suspicion, Will had no idea Ashley had been sent the videos. Well, at least he was not so cruel as to want to hurt Ashley in that way.

By the time Ellen got off the phone, she was at once relieved and frustrated. Her relief came from an understanding that Will had not tried to pile further emotional stress on his wife while her frustration stemmed from the expectation of both parties that she keep secrets from the other.

****
 Ashley went from an almost catatonic dazed state to irritated restlessness after lunch. She spent almost an hour pacing in the apartment.

"Why? Why can't he just get over it? It's been so long?"

It was clear her frustration was boiling over to anger.

Ellen looked at her for a long while before shaking her head.

"You still don't understand how Will feels do you?"


"No, I just don't understand how he could do this to me, to us! "

Ellen sighed and explained at the speed of a teacher dealing with a recalcitrant student.

"So do you think you can forgive Will completely in three years and never resent him for that affair with the nanny?"

Ashley’s lip trembled as she muttered, "Maybe... well, at least I'll try."

"So what happens if you discover Will is secretly cherishing memories of her and replays them again and again? Of course, never with the intention of hurting you. Just you know, in the privacy of his mind."

"Is that what he's doing? How could he!"

The gasp of outrage that escaped Ashley turned into red face silence as she realised Ellen was describing her behaviour.

"So what can I do? How can I help Will get over this and save us?"

"Honestly, I have no idea.”

Ashley found no peace, the restlessness making it impossible for her to do anything other than pace the apartment like a caged animal. She felt the need to do something, to understand but not knowing what. She stopped as she recalled what Will had said when he handed her another package before she got out of the car at the airport.

“If you ever feel the need to try to understand how I’ve felt about this or why I needed you to do this, read this.”

He’d crammed the package into her carry-on bag and apart from a brief look at the package when she was searching for the login details for Cary’s camera feed, she’d forgotten about the book she’d glimpsed in the package. Curious, she opened the volume and started reading what she vaguely recalled was the bestseller people had been talking about.

The bottom fell out of her stomach as she read what sounded like a transcript of her affair coloured by the emotions of her betrayed husband. The initial outrage she felt at the intrusion upon her privacy was tempered by her realisation that Will knew there was no way she’d ever openly confront him for that since it would involve her having to openly admit she was the cheating wife. One look at the forums that had sprung up discussing the novel had her realising she would be crucified if she ever outed herself. Will had her caught in a web. She cringed at all the vitriol poured out against the character representing her and felt the burn of shame by ironic proxy.

The tale within a tale that packed the sting of a scorpion

Ashley struggled against the chaos of emotions and impulses that ran through her mind. There was elation; Will had worked so hard to realise his dream of becoming a writer but had always lacked that one element. Years earlier she would have said it was luck. Now as the pain radiated off the pages of Will's novel, she recognised it for what it was; the emotional connection. Her betrayal had not only sharpened Will's observation and analytical skills, it had brought out that emotions he had always had to suppress because he was the level-headed, adult one out of the pair of them. Yes, she'd stabbed him with her betrayal but that wound stripped him of his armour and he stood with his emotions proud and raw. He was writing and he was trying to heal. While his rage was partially expelled in the little bits of revenge he'd enacted against her, a good part of it fuelled his writing.

Ashley winced as the pages went by and she became increasingly engrossed in the story that was essentially hers. She wanted to hide from the ugly truth that was seeping from the ink on the pages but knew that would be futile. She could close her eyes and hide in her fantasies and anger at Will, but she could not un-see, she could not un-read what she had already seen. It was as Will noted on the page where his alter ego Bill wondered when his unfaithful wife bade goodbye to her adulterous fuckbuddy that spring morning in their backyard.

After such knowledge, what forgiveness?

Her head hurt as much as her heart did when she finally finished the book. Ashley knew in that instant that her marriage as she knew it was dead. She had cut the head off and Will had subsequently staked it in the heart. Will had flayed her in front of millions without laying a hand on her and she'd gutted the man she professed to have loved for half her life. They had hurt each other; she because he was a convenient target for her selfish frustration with life, he because his quest for revenge against her transgression was leaving that wound raw. The writing was helping him heal but every bit of action he took against her was opening those wounds again and making him bleed out.

Because he still loves me.

That thought brought bittersweet memories to Ashley - all the times she'd caught Will with that strange expression on his face - that mix of bitter hostility that spoke of hate that carved itself into that clenched jaw tempered by the almost painful tenderness that lurked in his eyes. She didn't understand it then. She certainly was beginning to understand it now.

Without meaning to, Ashley drifted off into sleep. Her mind haunted by images of Will and Cary. Someone was chasing after the two men she love and she was running, hoping to save them. Just when they were finally putting some distance between them and their pursuer, she tripped and pulled Will down with her. Their pursuer caught up and was drawing a sharp knife to stab them, the cold metal glinting ominously. Cary was screaming and Will was trying to put himself between the knife of their assailant and herself as well as Cary. Before the knife came down, she caught a glimpse of their mysterious assailant and screamed as she recognised Jackson. His lips peeled open in a death's grin, his hand closed about her wrist and made her clasp the knife that was aimed at Will's chest.

"No!"

Ashley was wrenched from the depths of her nightmare with her own scream reverberating in her ears. Still numb with fear, she accepted Ellen's comforting hug after the older woman got over the shock of seeing her guest in tears and shaking nervously as she sat in her bed.

She knew what her nightmare was trying to tell her. Will would slowly die as their marriage dragged out its existence, itself dead in everything but name. He would never be the one to end it. She had to do it. She had been the one to deliver the first blow and now it was up to her release them both.

Hatred would end it all. One last act that would seal Will’s hatred of her and while it would hurt now, it would put a stop to the long term pain.


****